Smoot Today, Human Tomorrow
by TallestCora
Summary: A parallel fic to Queen Lola's "Girl Today, Irken Tomorrow". A young Irken smeet finds himself turned into a HUMAN! Oh, no! Whatever shall they do...? Why, just ask the Control Brains! And...wait a minute, what is he doing in Alli's class? ...
1. Life Just Isn't Fair

(Disclaimer:This is a Parallel fic Queen Lola's, "Girl Today, Irken Tomorrow", which can be found here: .net/s/3193135/1/Girl_today_Irken_tommarow She gave me her permission as well as read this first chappy for me to make sure everything was A-OK! *Cheesy thumbs-up!*

I do not own Invader Zim OR Jhonen Vasquez, who created it.)

AUTHOR'S NOTES: There's some made-up Irken words in here, but I've added their translations and pronunciations into the story.

However, here is the first of the words, which you see in the title, since it has nowhere else to go: "Smoot" -My Irken word for "boy". I added a little Spanish grammar to make it work right~ "Smarat" means "girl". These are both taken from the Irken word for child, which is "Smeet".

For any other Irken words that I've made up, please go to: .com/art/Irken-Dictionary-Etymology-117641549 So take a look~!!! I also have my other artwork there on Deviant Art, so you can check that out as well.

(Ulgh, sorry, looks like they won't let us link! The link is "deviant art DOT com" without the spaces. And the link above is to Queen Lola's story, which is here on FF. net.)

Also, there's some more Author's Notes at the bottom.

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And now.......ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

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**Smoot Today, Human Tomorrow**

I liked my life. No, really, I did! I mean, I was the tallest smoot -no, wait, _smeet_- in my entire generation, and I was even quite an ace at almost _all_ of my training! In fact, the only things that I wasn't any good at were my computer manipulation and my physical skills, and even then, I could improve!!! I'm _only_ 7 1/3 murks old! I top out at 2 1/3 of a smaks, and I have the fastest growth average of any other of the smeets! To sum up, I'm a giant, and there's only about 4 more smeets that can match me for it, 3 in my generation, and another in the youngest generation.

And even if I don't grow after my 50th murk, I'll _still_ have it in to become the Tallest!

(Translations: Murks -age measurements Smaks -height measurements 7 1/3 murks = 11 1/3 years old 2 1/3 smaks = 5 feet 3 inches)

(Pronunciation: Murks -murks Smaks -smaks)

Oh, no, but _all that_ changed the minute that I got in from Mecha-Transformation Training. I was just finishing with my teching, and I walked back to my room. My Tatronian was chattering on about something as it followed slightly behind me, but I was too distracted to concentrate on it. Sometimes, even now, I wonder if it really would've made that much of a difference in my routine, if it would've prevented any of this from happening, but I can't really think about it. I mean, how could it? I entered my room, grabbed a snack, plopped into my qemkowwahk, and waited for a moment before I began looking for something to read.

(Translation: Tatronian -a little AI computer thing that flies around and accompanies each young student. They are small, about the size of a "Magic 8 Ball". They give the young student advice, teach them little things that pop up, and make sure that they do what they're supposed to, not get into trouble, etc. They don't go inside the classes, but they accompany them everywhere else. Like a "tutor". (The original, ancient "tutor" would accompany a student to his school and teach him valuable life lessons.))

(Pronunciation: Tatronian - taa-**tro**-nyan)

(Translation: Qemkowwahk -a hammock-like thing, except it's more like a spider's web and it's stable, with only the "webbing" giving it some minute movement. It usually has one end -the head end- placed higher than the other. It's comfortable for Irkens to lay in because it makes allowance for their pack.)

(Pronunciation: Qemkowwahk - **kem**-cow-whack)

Just as I was beginning to read a very interesting educational story about rockets and murder mystery solving, something hit the ground near my room! And _I_ mean _HIT_!!! It was like a meteor had just crashed into the Smeet Training Facilities _right behind me_!!! If I hadn't have been laying in my qemkowwahk at the time, then I'm sure that I would've bounced into the air like a shloop-de-doo!

The lights flickered, I screamed in terror for a moment while I hung onto my qemkowwahk for dear life, until finally I could feel that the rumbling had sub-sided. The lights were dark, but the emergency glows -which had been installed ever since Horrible Painful Overload Days I and II- were now on. I slowly and terrifyingly made my way out of my qemkowwahk, simultaneously asking my Tatronian what just happened.

"I'm sorry, but I can't figure it out, either," was its reply. I glared over at it. One would _think_ that, even though it was just hovering, it would've been affected by some kind-of shock-waves in the air, and I glared at it even longer until I was finally convinced that it was, by the little sparking and stuff that it was putting off.

"W-w-well, why don't you go and check it out?" I asked. I was still too scared to even think about leaving, and I was considering just hiding in my qemkowwahk under a cover until it was all safe. But I still wanted to find out what it was. And this is where having that good ol' Tatronian came in handy~!

"Hmmm...I guess you're right,"

"Well of COURSE I'm right!" I interrupted.

"...It would probably be okay for me to go and see what's going on out there...but be warned! You'd BETTER stay right in this ROOM HERE!!!" The Tatronian commanded.

"Where else would I go? Erm, yes, Sir!" I just caught myself before I got into serious trouble. Talking back to your superiors was NOT AT ALL a good thing~! All this stress was beginning to get to me.

But the Tatronian gave me a little whack on the head before turning and floating out the door. "Euww...mik..." I rubbed my poor head. Then I very cautiously got back into my qemkowwahk and waited for the outcome. That is, after grabbing another snack, of course~!

It was taking quite a long time, and I was starting to get bored with all this waiting. That, and the intense suspense had my squiddily-spooch so tied up in knots that I couldn't even eat my snacks! So what's a guy to do?

I eventually mustered up enough boldness to climb out of my qemkowwahk and sneak towards the door. Even though the Tatronian had told me to stay in there, I hadn't seen nor heard from it in such a long time -and there was certainly nothing wrong with going out and looking for my Tatronian when it had been gone for such a long time, wasn't there? Or, at least, that's what I thought.

So, I eventually found myself opening my door, and upon seeing no guard-bots or anyone else about, I snuck out. Not being as short as the other smeets, I usually couldn't get away with much, but I found that using my clout that came with my large size came in handy...sometimes. And as I snuck down the hallway, I actually wondered to myself if this was such a good idea. But I was already out there, so I might as well make it work.

I couldn't see anybody around, and as far as I was concerned, they had probably all headed for cover. Like I _should_ have been! But I continued on anyways, despite my inner voice's naggings. Soon I came to a large cavern. No, _literally_, it was like someone had just RIPPED AWAY the entire insides of the Smeet Catacombs, and left just this huge, gaping hole inside. I was so shocked that I had to take a step back. I couldn't quite make it out, but it seemed like there was something at the bottom of the pit, something that was still slightly steaming. I swallowed and tried to walk around the edge of the crater, but I must have taken a misstep or something, because the next thing I knew, I was plummeting down the side of the humongous hole!

I eventually stopped rolling and taking an inanimate-object-beating, and stopped just at the epicenter. I very slowly lifted my head up, wondering for a second just where in the heck all the guards and security were for something as impressive as this. But nevermind that, because I'd just seen something important. I further lifted my head up from my compromising position on the ground to see that there was something inside of the rock sitting, steaming, there. And so I very swiftly lifted myself up -okay, so I stumbled and rolled a few times, happy?!- and I stood facing the incredible new little rock. It was something shining, and something that almost had an...incredibly strong feel...it was almost like it was pulling me over to it. So I reached out my hand towards it.

I know, it's like a universally STUPID thing to reach out and touch something that's been _steaming_ in the middle of a _giant crater _ that's just CRASHED INTO YOUR PLANET despite SECURITY _AGAINST_ _THAT SORT OF THING_!!! But I just couldn't help it! It was like it was drawing me towards it or something!

Well, the next thing I knew was blackness, and I haven't felt _that_ since I had all of Irken knowledge downloaded into me. It's a pretty scary thought. Or, at least, it was. Now I'm not too sure that it's still a scary one, but it is -or, yet, it _should_ be- a rather unnatural one.

Anyways, I next woke up in my qemkowwahk, wondering just where I was and what had happened. I looked around, but it was still dark in my room. I noticed that it seemed darker than it did earlier, but I simply dismissed it. I looked about me, felt myself, and tried to figure out what had happened. Was I knocked out when I fell down that crater? Well, that must have been what happened, and someone just found me and put me back in my room. I wasn't supposed to be out there, anyways. Yeah, that's right. That's what happened!

After I was satisfied with my explanation -which was a sincerely good one- I grabbed for my snacks that I had left lying in my qemkowwahk. Mik, it had been a scary day! I was starving! I quickly grabbed a handful of chips and shoved them into my mouth. It was only a split-second later that I found out that they didn't taste like they should've. In fact, they tasted AWFUL!!! And they made my tongue burn! I quickly spit them out and coughed, trying to get all of that filthy mess out of my mouth. I grabbed my cover and wiped my mouth out with it.

There came a voice from one of the dark corners adjacent, "Um, yeah, I really wouldn't suggest doing that again."

I looked up, surprised and fearful. No one else was supposed to be in my room! Unless it was my roommate...but that wasn't for another few hours! Or, was it? For some reason I just couldn't think of the time, no matter _how_ hard I cued my Pack for it! I gave up quickly on that in favor of the stranger in my corner. No, wait! But maybe it was my Tatronian? That's funny, I couldn't quite remember its voice being so...how was that? It sounded so full, so strong, not like a normal computer's voice at all. Yet it was similar... Yeah, it had to be my Tatronian! Right?

"Who-wha-who are you?!" I asked nervously.

"Oh, _come on_! Don't you recognize your own TATRONIAN!?!" The voice exclaimed, and then some...body...some...THING! stepped out into the soft glow. I very nearly lost my voice! But I didn't. As I plainly made evident by screaming as loud as I could and panicking. "Although...you...probably don't recognize me _now_..." The thing continued whilest I freaked.

"WHO-WHA-WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" I shrieked as loudly as I could and threw everything I could find at the alien in front of me. I soon started crying and hiding my head in my arms. This just was NOT a good day for me!

"JIK! JIK, oh, come on! Shut-UP! IT'S ME! JIIIK!" The alien in my midst shouted, but I just couldn't hear it over the sounds of my panicking and crying. The alien finally gave up and let me have my panic-time.

A little later, I very slowly peaked my head up, just to see if it was still there -OHP! And yes it was! I wimpered and hid my head again, hoping it would see me as too pathetic to do whatever horrible things it had in mind for a very tall smeet of the Irken Empire. I just hoped it had some kind-of compassion for a smeet! And, if that didn't work, I was considering aiming for the shins...

"Shhh-ssshhh, it's alright~!" Said the alien. The sounds were actually soothing to my ears, but I kept myself hidden anyways. "It's alright. I'm not gonna' hurt you! Honest! You remember me! I'm your Tatronian! I taught you how to cut a blorg-blarst right in half with your hands~ do you remember that?"

I did remember that, but it didn't make sense that the alien knew it. And I was a little concerned as to why it was being so ...nice. It seemed to be trying to comfort me.

"And do you remember the time when I took all that plarble-gum and stuffed it down into your shirt?"

I started to unwantonly giggle. That was a really funny time. "And do you remember the time when you and I went all around the Smeet Catacombs looking for some stupid things? Like a scavenger hunt, only it really made no sense and they were just testing us? Yes?"

I looked up at the alien, who was now only a few feet away. "W-well yeah, but! But I mean, you can't just- you can't POSSIBLY know all of this!" I said with the tears still stuck to my face.

"Well, of course! I _am_ your Tatronian, after all!" The alien said, opening its arms wide as if to demonstrate who it was.

"No! No, you're not! You're an ALIEN!!!" I said, shaking my head violently.

"But I _am_." It said softly. "I've just changed. And you have, too, don't you know?"

I looked at it weirdly, and then I got the idea to look down at my hands. Well, they didn't _seem_ any different... it was dark. And I still had all my fingers; one, two, three, four, 'FOUR!?!' I shouted in my head. I did the recount again. Yup, they both still had four fingers on them! Then I reached up and felt my face. It felt strange and foreign... "AAARRGHSHK!" I screamed and jumped out of the qemkowwahk, completely forgetting about the alien, and raced over to the mirror. I looked into it. At first I couldn't see much, but then I could make out my features. Strange features. I screamed. And then I collapsed into a sobbing mess of hysterics. The alien, it seemed, tried to comfort me, but it was no use.

That's just about when the guard peaked in to see what all of this screaming was about. Normally the computers and robots do all the guarding and security, but with the recent crater-incident some people-guards were dispatched to make sure that every one of the smeets was alright.

Needless to say, they immediately realized that I was _not_ alright!

Now, normally they would have shot first and asked questions later, but they were in a questioning mood that day because of the meteor-incident, and my sobbing and my Tatronian's quick talking landed us in a cross-examination room. They were cross, and they examined us. (Just kidding, but I just had to lighten the mood!)

Anyways, it took what seemed like forever, and I eventually fell asleep crying. (Which was a new experience for me!) But soon after that, something weird happened.

Well, the sun came up! No, actually, it was the beginning of the Irken day, and my transformation seemed to have worn off, because I transformed back into an Irken right then and there!

It was quite a shock to everyone else in the room, with the probable exception of the alien, who wasn't as emotionally effected by this, and who turned back into my Tatronian.

It was a very emotional time for me, and that short amount of sleep that I had did me a _world_ of good! I woke up immediately after the transformation, because, let's face it: Irkens don't sleep! And I yawned and stretched accordingly. I felt so much better. Of course, I was also back in my old body, which was a plus.

This finally confirmed what my Tatronian had been trying to tell them for the past several hours, that it and I _were_, in fact, _not_ aliens! But that we had undergone some sort of transformation, and this probably had something to do with the meteor that had just crashed into the Smeet Catacombs.

They were all very confused by this -let's face it, who wouldn't be?- and so they decided to run a battery of tests to find out just what was going on. After running several tests, they finally concluded that the source of this transformation was the strange little thing that had appeared on my wrist. It had a magenta little orb in the middle of it, and wires coming out of the sides. Although they tried all they could, they could not remove it, and it continued stuck to my wrist.

The Tallest were even called in for this MASSIVE emergency, which I enjoyed greatly because I got to meet them! SQUEEE!!! Oh, sorry about that! I just get so excited thinking about that~.

Although they didn't know very much about the device, they finally concluded that it was linked to the day/night cycle of Irk. Any attempts to remove it without taking my arm off had failed, and I very greatly objected/freaked at the suggestion of amputation -although they said they could grow me a new one in no time at all and reattach it. (And I seriously think they would have just knocked me out and done it.) But they were worried that this might cause some problems anyways because they did not fully understand this thing that had attached itself to my wrist. So we had no choice but to leave it on and wait.

Wait? Just what it was that we were waiting for I had _no_ idea, but it eventually came with the beginning of the night cycle. Of course, I had a lot of fun in the meantime talking to the Tallest and getting footage taken of us, -I got pictures!- but that was over soon enough. The beginning of the night cycle also was the beginning of my horrified screaming and crying once again, although they had said that it would happen again. I just didn't want to believe them.

Oh, and one other thing I noticed. It hurt like horrible, horribleness! I wasn't awake for the first two times, so now this came as a complete shock to me! It came from the weird thing on my wrist, and it burned so badly I thought it might be best to just cut off my arm and grow a new one. But soon it faded, and I was back to my -once again, I cannot stress how HORRIBLE this is- human form. Unfortunately.

Soon, though, we ran into an even bigger problem. After examining my new body, (and my Tatronian's) they came to discover that we were humans. And humans came from Earth. Earth is where Zim is, you know. Even worse, the main ingredient that the human body seems to require, water -which I had been losing in vast amounts from all my crying- was not very abundant in this part of the universe. Although H2O was commonly found in the form of ice crystals, it was usually contaminated with other elements. And I needed human food as well, which wasn't a part of any Irken's balanced diet. And I was _really_ beginning to get hungry!

At one point, someone even handed me a sucker to help quiet me, which I immediately stuck in my mouth, forgetting the previous attempt at snacking. This was met with shrieking and a "GET THAT OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!" whereupon it was yanked from my lips! And, needless to say, I was quite upset. I _really _ wanted that snack! Or _any_ snack, for that matter! I felt as if I could eat a Rarg Beast if given the opportunity.

Although it was met with much hostility, it was apparent that I just _couldn't_ exist on Irk for longer than three days, which is how long they gave me to live without water. Huh. Never really knew it was so essential to a being. Especially since it BURNS Irkens by reacting with the chemistry...oh, sorry, I'm getting all technical again, ain't I?

Everyone finally agreed that I'd _have_ to go to Earth. But just how was I going to go and live there without Zim knowing? Although it is incredibly well-known that Zim is a complete moron, he is also a very DANGEROUS moron, making him a major consideration. They just couldn't have their smeet, especially one who could become a Tallest, fall into Zim's care. There just wouldn't be much left of me, would there? So they did what every Irken does in times of crisis.

They asked the Control Brain.

The Control Brain suggested organizing a small, well-equipped group of trained soldiers, scientists, and technicians to accompany me and my Tatronian to the planet Earth, and keeping as far away from Zim as possible. The scientists and technicians would then work on fixing my problem, and the soldiers and my Tatronian would protect me and give me guidance. This wasn't too hard of an assignment, but first they had to make sure of what Zim was up to these days... And we had to leave immediately! The Tallest waited for Zim's call, which was always exactly on time, no matter how inconvenient that may be. Well, I'll have to give him one thing: For a completely inept and unbelievably horrible moron, Zim is punctual. Like you wanna' punch him in the face!...okay, okay. I digress...well, not, but still! To continue on...

Then, through an incredible feat of transporters and space-warps, I found myself in an alien cargo freighter inside of Earth's Solar System. Just the very idea chilled me, and it was really weird because there were these little hairs on my arms that seemed to prick up irritatingly as I felt fear (I was still in my human form.) It wasn't long before I was being ushered into a small little ship, together with a couple of the others in my group who were heading to Earth with me. There were three separate ships which held the others in my group, and these would all head out in different directions before converging where we were to live. They were a small group, but very, very highly trained and efficient.

Because of time-constraints, information gathering and getting things ready was very rushed. Everyone was doing their part to make sure I lived long enough for them to find out what was wrong with me. I dunno why, I'm only one little -tall- smeet! But, they were doing it anyways. I still often wonder at my extreme good fortune, because this was all such a bother to go through for me! But, I digress...

Everything was going smoothly, but someone noticed one of Zim's probes surrounding the planet. So they changed our coordinates. The thing was following us. So they changed our coordinates. Everything was fine, until a great space beast known as "Squishy, Hugger of Worlds" was seen headed our way! Apparently, he hugs whole worlds to death to show his affection. Creepy! That's when things started getting a little crazy. We instantly dove out of range of planet Earth, but after a few hours of an intense space-battle between Zim and an unknown ship with Irken signatures and an alien pilot, the problem was solved. Oh, well. At least now we wouldn't have to be squished to death in a hug!

We landed on Earth, but something seemed to be a bit off -but nobody said anything. It seemed to me that these were not the coordinates that we needed to be at -this place didn't look _nearly_ as green as it did from space- but far be it from me to question my superiors! So I just let it alone. Although that coke-spilling occurence during the "Squishy, Hugger of Worlds" incident did spring to my mind, I said nothing of it. These people should know what they're doing, I figured. Much more than I, a simple smeet.

Our new house was set up in a short amount of time, and we all breathed a sigh of relief as soon as we were done. It was an old abandoned house, which was very large and would accommodate quite a bit of our labs. We still had to make it look like a human house to everyone else, so we made the inside and outside take on the appearance of a normal human house, while the inside could convert to different, Irken things if we needed them. We enlarged the basement greatly to make room for our laboratory and other stuff.

Just as we were getting settled in, the terrible news came.

I had to go to SCHOOL!

An _EARTH_ "SKOOL", with _EARTHLINGS_!!!

As if my turning into an alien _wasn't_ bad enough!

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So, here I was, standing in front of the "Skool" that was to be my new center of learning. Well, sort-of. While I was an Earthling I had to attend human skool, but the scientists in my group had arranged things for when I was Irken. Apparently, they said something about claiming that I was to attend another, special skool, so the Skool Board would let me be absent for the days I needed to miss. However, whenever I got home, I had to go right back to my Irken studies! Yup, that's right! I didn't even get a chance to sit down and relax -although the Earth skool subjects are ridiculously simple- because I had to complete whatever _real_, Irken training I could, even in human form!

That meant signing me up for some rather...interesting human martial-arts classes. Something called "Capoeira", which was the closest they could find to Irken martial-arts that utilizes many of the same techniques. Irken martial-arts utilizes all eight limbs and has a swirling, spaztic style. This was a lot smoother, but still had that swirling style. I guess they figured that if I was going to be a human, then the _least_ I could be is a very _well-trained_ human! All of this training was rather dizzying, but as an Irken smeet I was used to working hard. We got breaks, but we also had to train constantly. In fact, with the exception of breaks, our entire day was spent traning in this or that, working on our skills. There was nearly no time in the day to dawdle -that was something reserved for ones in high-ranking positions, like the Almighty Tallest. But, however, as we soon found out, my new human body and mind were not as well-equipped to handle this routine. But that's a story for another time.

For now, I'm at the front of the Skool, waiting. And I'm kind-of hoping that I don't really have to go in there!

My Tatronian had just gone in, and I had the extreme displeasure of following her in.

Unfortunately for me, just that second, the skool buses showed up, and loads upon tons of strange, smelly _human_ kids piled out of them, pushing me and shoving me towards the entrance. It was absolute MAYHEM!!! I was completely swallowed up by the waves of children, and soon I found myself inside the entrance whether I liked it or not.

I really didn't know where to go to start my first day, _or_ where to find my Tatronian, so I went searching for the Head Teacher of this horribly terrible mob of unsanitary, alien children. I ended up asking a Janitorial Drone and he pointed me to where the "Office" was. Oh, joy! What a weird place this was turning out to be today!

I walked into the Office just as my Tatronian was talking to someone at a tall desk. Mik! No matter HOW many times I see it, it'll still boggle my mind how utterly TALL these aliens are, while still being just as DUMB as a Dookie-Dog!

Hmm, maybe they're due for an incredible "Smartening"...?

But I digress...

Anyways, after that, we met the "Principal", the leader of this motley little crew -which was annoying and dull- and then I was led by one of the Secretary Drones to what would be my new Torture-chamber-er, I mean! CLASSROOM.

The Secretary Drone left as we reached the door, and I slowly stepped into the class. Mik, I felt SO _AWFUL_ right at that moment! It was like the end or punch-line to some really horrible dream or joke, which was positioned right at the end of a wonderful movie, and that completely _reeked_ of strange, alien smells. Well, at least that's what it _felt_ like, anyways!

"WELL! So _you're_ the new student, eh?" This was the Teacher Drone. Apparently his name was "Mr. Cain". It reminded me of candy. I liked candy. However, I did not like _him_ like I liked candy. No, duh! He continued, "Well, tell us your name and a little something about yourself."

"Uhm, my name is Jik, and...I _really_ don't want to be here!..." I stated sadly, my head still down from absolute humiliation and horror.

"Welcome to the CLUB!" Shouted a kid within the rows of desks. There was a short little wave of giggles and snickering, which confused me greatly. The Teacher Drone didn't even seem too phased by it, and he was supposed to be in charge! Hm. What strange little beings these Earthlings are.

"Quiet!" Said the Teacher Drone to the class. This was the only thing he said about it, and it confused me greatly. Normally, on Irk, one could get in a lot of trouble for talking back or out of turn like that. Especially to one's superiors! But the kids quieted down slowly. Still not the reaction I was expecting. It wasn't immediate. "Okay, Son, it's time to find your seat. You can pick any of the ones that aren't taken."

"Yes, Sir," I replied immediately, snapping to attention, and then I took a look around the room, only to find that there _were_ no empty seats! Well, there was one, but someone said that another kid was already sitting there. Why did he just tell me to "pick any empty seat" when there _were_ no empty seats?!...And why did he keep calling me "son"?

"Well?" Said the Teacher Drone as I looked at the class from my place up front.

"Excuse me, Sir," I said, repressing the urge to salute like I usually would, "But there seem to be no extra seats."

"What? Oh, of course! Well, you're a respectful little punk!" This confused me, again, greatly. Why would I be commended for speaking like I ought to? But then he did something extremely unexpected. "Doony, you're being transferred to the Underground Class!" And with that, the kid named Doony slid screaming down into the floor, after which the seat settled back into its normal position. "Well?!? What are you waiting for, Son? An invitation?" Said the Teacher Drone. "Take a seat!"

I immediately replied, "Sir! Yes, Sir!" While he was yet talking, swiftly running over to the newly-vacated seat. Some of the class giggled. Hm, that's funny, all of the previous child's stuff was gone! Anyways, I sat down and put my things in order quickly, after which I sat up straight at attention.

The Teacher Drone looked absolutely shocked at my actions, as did the rest of the class. It seemed that they were not that used to anyone obeying so quickly or efficiently. I wondered at this, as it seemed that all of the children were not trained Militarily as the Irkens were, although this did not surprise me, it was still a bit strange. After all, being on a strange planet with strange people doing strange things...well, it really was just strange. The Teacher Drone once again complemented me on this, "Well! It seems you've really got it together! I like that. The REST of you could really learn a thing or two from him!" He eyed the class as he said this.

Immediately all eyes were aimed evilly in my direction, seething with hatred. Some were mad at me for showing them up, some were confused, and others were just plain unhappy. But I just kept my eyes focused straight ahead on the Teacher Drone, seemingly completely unaware of their evil stares. Even though I was.

There was no little green student in my class this day, and so I didn't get to see just what horrible mess we had inadvertently stumbled into.

But, MIK, was I in for it the next day!...

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Okays, that's the end of the first chappy~! The next one might come soon, I dunno. It just depends. I've already got a lot of stories up in the air right now (those are on Deviant Art) and so I don't know when I'll have time to work on it, really~! But I'll try my best, they might be pretty short chappys, but I'll do my best!!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The Tatronians and his giant height were added to make the story work right. Because, obviously, he needed someone else with him, like Alli had Shy, and he couldn't be all alone on EARTH! This is also supposed to be a parrallel story, so it had to be at least similar. Sos the Tatronian was born! Also, I just couldn't see him interacting with Alli and the others if he was the height of a normal little smeet! That would be about half Alli's height, and it would put him into the 2nd grade or something~! So I had to make him a giant~!!!


	2. WHY ME? Yet Again

(Disclaimer: I don' own NOTHIN'!!! 'Cept for my made-up characters! Invader Zim and all that jazz belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. D'OH!!!)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: BTW, if anyone noticed that mention to the unfinished script of "Squishy, Hugger of Worlds", last chapter, then GOOD for YOU!!! *Claps*

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**CHAPTER 2 "'WHY ME!?!' Yet again."**

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Last time I forgot to describe myself. Hah hah, I even made the mistake of not mentioning my name until my Tatronian shouted it! I guess it's just because I'm so upset about it!

Anyways, let's see, now...where to begin? As an Irken, I have the bright green skin of a smeet, with yellow-green eyes. I have normal antenna, and no other strange, distinguishing features. Does that describe enough? I've already mentioned my height. But now, as a human, I have a completely different appearance. I have a brown-colored skin, although it seems everybody here calls it "black" for some strange reason. They also call the creamy-peachish-colored ones "white". I guess it's because they look so different. Humans all seem to come in different colors of brown. Anyways, my eyes are still yellow-green, but they have white around them, and black in the centers. My antenna are no longer there; they've been replaced by hair. It's sort-of reddish-brown and it's short and wiry. It really looks like a great big mess in my opinion.

As for the time, you all may be wondering...

Irken days are longer than Earth days, so an Irken day would be equivalent to 3 1/4 Earth days. That's just the day hours. The night-time is about the same length. So this means that I go to "Skool" for 3 Earth days, then on the fourth day I wait six hours until I turn into an Irken again, then I begin my Irken studies. 3 More Earth days, then on the fourth, I finish my Irken studies for six more hours until I become human again. Since I can't go to skool at noon, I get a whole day off! Of course, that just means that I have to stay inside and work on as much of my Irken studies that I can.

*Sighs* You know, it's times like this I wonder if actually coming here was such a good idea in the first place... Maybe I should've just let them cut my arm off! That might have helped...at least, I think it would have...

After studying a few subjects -which I found incredibly hilarious and simple- it was time for a recess. This was alright, although I wondered when we would get to eat our snacks. Usually we got snacks during our breaks on Irk, unless we'd been disobedient. We didn't _need_ to eat anyways, so this wasn't _that_ cruel a punishment.

I made my way outside to the playground with the other students. Apparently, they didn't get that much physical education. Otherwise they wouldn't be so energetic and eager to play. Of course, I _was_ feeling rather depressed. This was my first day in my terrible purgatory.

Sighing, I sat down on a bench and stared at my hands in my lap. They were really beginning to bug me, as were the extra fingers. I hated the idea of having to stay here for any length of time...

Just as I was relaxing and contemplating my hideous fate, a few kids came up to me. "Hey! New Kid! What's your name again?" Asked one of them, supposedly the lead kid.

I sighed and replied, looking up reluctantly, "Jik."

"Oh, yeah. Where are you from?"

I thought for a moment, trying to remember the story my Tatronian and the scientists had cooked up, while keeping my head turned away to avoid eye-contact. I couldn't let them know I was lying! "I'm-I'm from...J-Jamaica, and my father was in the Military, so we moved..."

"Oh, I get it! That's why you're so uptight, isn't it?"

I thought, 'Am I really that uptight?' and answered, "Urhm!...I guess..."

"Hey! Why don't you have an accent?" Asked another kid.

"W-what? Urm, well, ahm..." I was caught off-guard.

"J00 IDIOT! If his dad's in the Military, then he's probably moved around a lot! He didn't have time to pick up an accent! Am I right?" Another kid answered for me. Gratefully I nodded in agreement. "There! You see?" The kid grinned proudly at his deduction-skills.

"So, where's your dad stationed at?" Asked the lead kid.

Having rehearsed this story over again in my mind, I easily replied, "Well, my dad, uh...he died, and so my Tatr-er, I mean! My aunt and her family are raising me..."

There was a small moment of silence while I wondered why they looked so quiet suddenly. Was I saying something wrong? One of the kids finally spoke up, "Uh...geeze, that's too bad...Sorry, man." The others offered their condolences as well.

"Uhm...yeah..." was all I could think of to say.

"A-Anyways, you wanna' hang out? I mean, you know..." a kid suddenly spoke up nervously.

"Hey, yeah! I mean, you probably don't know anybody here, right? I'm Mik!" Said another kid, and offered his hand to me. Looking at him with a slight incredulity at hearing that, I decided I should probably stand up, and did so, shaking his hand.

"Alright! Yeah, and I'm Luke," the kids introduced themeselves to me, one by one. There were actually about 5 in all (I say "about" because they tend to also associate with other kids, so I'm not quite sure) and they seemed friendly enough. I was thankful they'd taken the initiative to talk to me, otherwise I might have been seen as an outcast! But, despite this, I still didn't know much about the Earthlings' society, so I tried to listen and learn from these guys as much as I could, while staying quiet. It wasn't that easy to be an Invader, apparently... If this was what Invaders had to go through, then I'm glad I'm not majoring in that subject! I'm actually majoring in politics, economics, war strategy, and other subjects which would be important to a future Tallest. At the very least, even if I'm NOT tall enough, I'll still be able to get a decent, high-ranking offical's job or something!

After our introductions, we only hung around and talked about strange stuff -things I really couldn't recognize, but I tried to nervously smile and nod as if I knew what everyone was talking about. Afterwards, the bell rang and we went back inside. And, although I can't say that I really understood anything which the kids were talking about, it felt a little good to be in a group. I guess humans are as social a creatures as Irkens are.

Although I never really talked to her, there _was _a glaring, blue-haired girl always off in a corner somewhere, who only seemed to talk to one other child. Both she and the other, big-headed child, Dib -I'd heard his name often enough in class by this time, usually the Teacher Drone yelling at him to sit down and shut up because he was ranting on and on about something- were labeled as "crazy" and apparently were outcasts. She wasn't anyone of interest, and she usually kept to herself, but her cold, glaring gaze of hatred and anger made me feel somewhat homesick.

Lunch was really an adventurous time for me -and by "adventurous", I mean, "so totally and absolutely TERRIFYING!!!" The stuff they served their children -for nourishment no less!- was absolutely appalling, and I was surprised I even managed to choke down the suff. It didn't look like many of them liked it either, so I was in good company. Although I'd heard that some of the food had disturbing properties... And that the mashed potatoes should never be allowed anywhere NEAR your eyes.

Bathroom breaks were, as I believe, the most HORRIFYING of the Earthling experience. And I am hard-pressed to relate any of my personal horrors, but let's just say that public toilets must be required experience for those training to become an Elite Soldier, because I personally can't think of anything more horrifying.

All-in-all, it was generally a really horrible day, and I was exceedingly grateful when it was finally over with and I was able to go home. At home I collapsed face-first onto my bed and I didn't even get up until someone summoned me to report back downstairs.

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The next day was somewhat uneventful -until school, that is. I got up and ate breakfast, then walked by myself to school without the company of my Tatronian -one that I was very sorely starting to miss. Apparently, as they'd researched it, it would be unusual for my Aunt -that is, my Tatronian- to accompany me to and from school without a really good reason. There was some nonsense about it being embarrassing or whatever. *Sigh* Anyways, as I was walking to school, I knew distinctly that the trained soldiers were secretly keeping an eye on me. I felt somewhat better knowing that, although I still felt strange walking alone without my Tatronian. You see, I have always been accompanied by my Tatronian -it's not for another few years that my Tatronian is no longer needed, and I still feel the need to have that strong, guiding -and somewhat violent at times- floating orb-bot by my side.

I was still incredibly depressed about having to do this, and this was only the second day! So it's no surprise that when I came into the classroom, I had my head hung down and so I didn't notice anyone as I made my way around to my desk. Sitting in the third row across from the door and the 6th seat back, I sat with my head hung down and with a sad, dejected look on my face. No one even made any comment about me. The class had 32 students, by the way. Four rows across and eight rows back. So I didn't notice the student who entered and sat down up at the front of the class. I was still too busy bemoaning my own predicament.

It wasn't until class had started when I just happed to look up. You see, one of the students had spoke up, and the blue-haired girl, -the one whose evil glares made me feel sort-of homesick- said something back at him. As I glanced up, it took me a minute to realize just what it was I was seeing. The Teacher Drone even said his name, but I didn't register it. I couldn't. I mean, it just couldn't BE! Because sitting just up there, and looking back at the blue-haired girl with annoyance, sat the one whom we had spent all this time and effort trying to AVOID! It was...just absolutely IMPOSSIBLE!!!

I felt the blood rush from my face and I sank down in my chair. I was caught without words, and I couldn't even bring myself to stutter. The Teacher Drone even noticed my disturbed expression, and he asked if I was alright. I can't even imagine how I must've looked to him, but I think I have a pretty good idea. Because after that brief moment of despair and abject shock, I pulled myself out of it, enough to respond to him, "No, sir! I-I, uhm..." suddenly I stood up and slapped my hands on my desk, "Could I please use the bathroom!?!" I exclaimed in desperation, and barely waiting for a reply, I rushed out of the room and into those dreaded depths which I so abhorred.

Stopping inside just long enough to catch my breath, I took a glance over into the mirror. And, not seeing the reflection I wanted, I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away, feeling the hot sting of tears come up. I was startled by the sound of the bathroom door opening behind me, and so I jumped into an open stall and very quickly, clumsily, I closed and locked it.

The footsteps stopped outside my stall, and I heard my little human heart beating hard inside my chest -even as I wanted to cry, and felt the hot tears streaming from my face, I heard the voice of the so-called crazy kid, Dib, calling to me.

"He~ey~! JIK! 'Come on, Jik, I know you're in there! Come on out and tell me what's got you hiding like a scared rabbit! It couldn't be the...ALIEN KID in the class, now, COULD IT!?!" The crazy kid exclaimed accusingly, as if he knew exactly what was going on. Unconsciously I pulled down my long shirt-sleeve over my "bracelet", and I fingered my communicator disgused as an Earth cell-phone.

Coming closer, he banged on the door to my stall, startling me so I jumped backwards. In my very last display of courage, I finally answered, "I-I'm- I'm really sorry! I'm not feeling well! I'm erm!...yeah."

He seemed to glare incredulously at me through the stall door, although I really couldn't see his stare. He said, "Oh, REALLY~?!? And just how is it you FEEL?!?" His sarcastic sting reached along the stalls and up into the corners of the room.

Clenching my eyes shut and trying not to sob, I did the only thing I could do. I pulled my pants down and sat on that horrble toilet. Although despite my misgivings, I really did have to go after that scare, and it was a long while until I felt I was able to face that disturbing monster behind the door. I knew he was still there, I could see his feet standing there the entire time. Eventually I flushed, and wiping the tears off my face, I opened the door.

Dib was standing so close there, his huge head right in my face, that I gasped and jumped. "Hmm~! Feeling BETTER now, are we?!?" He said with a smirk. I only squeaked and tried to ease past him. I finally made it to the sinks and washed my hands. For some reason I was at a temporary loss, but soon I remembered to use a towel to dry my wet hands off. Thank goodness I wasn't an Irken right now; otherwise I'd have to actually think up a good reason for not using the toilet or washing my hands! Although that big-headed, scary kid _was _a good one.

As I was turning away and attempting to leave, the big-headed kid instantly moved in front of me. Mik, he was lightning-swift! He glared at me and said, "HOLD ON! Now I don't know what you're up to, but you know it, don't you?" Trying to act innocent, I had a confused expression on my face. "That green kid! You know it! He's not just any ordinary kid! HE'S AN ALIEN!!!" Hearing these words directly in front of my face I almost wanted to pass out. Holding his arms out, he approached me and continued ranting on, "'Come on! I mean, I know it and Alli knows it, but everybody else, they just can't understand!" He gripped the air with his hands, "It's just the most OBVIOUS THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! And yet my own people are IDIOTS!!!" As he continued on I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. "But YOU know it! And I'm just SURE that you'll help me in EXPOSING HIM FOR THE HORRIBLE LITTLE ALIEN MONSTER THAT HE IS!!!"

I was backing away a bit at this point, although I really had to agree with him -Zim _was _a REALLY HORRIBLE LITTLE IRKEN!!! But as I obviously couldn't tell him that, I slowly kept backing away and finally I said, "Uhm! Uhm, uh, sure...!" I sweatdropped. Had I really just agreed with him on this? But I couldn't let it continue on like this. At this rate, I'd be dragged into whatever little diabolical plans he had cooking, and I really had to get out of this so I could call my Tatronian and the others and tell them the terribly HORRIBLE news! "I-erm! I, I'm not feeling well, so I think I need to go to the doctor or something! Eh, eh heh~!"

Looking back at me with a look I couldn't read, I was afraid he was going to start ranting again -but, instead, he simply pouted and said, "Oh." I guessed that he assumed I didn't believe him, and I wanted it that way. Seeing that this was my chance to escape from the ranting, crazed ball of big-headedness, I eased around him and ran out the door.

I didn't return to class -I was too afraid of seeing that horrible little atrocity in Irk's clothing, Zim. So, instead, I hid outside in the playground. I sat there by the side of the reddish brick building and cried until I could think clearly once again. It was about time for me to call my Tatronian and superiors, and tell them what had happened. Wiping away my tears, I pulled out my "cell-phone". I noticed a glint of light, and I glanced at my wrist. My sleeve was slightly up, and the evil little destroyer of my world, the wrist-thingy, was shining in the sun. I pulled at my sleeve to get a look at it. Seeing it in the sunlight gave it a whole new look. Watching the afternoon light glance off it and bathe it in a yellow glow, I found it hard to resist just staring at, observing its design. It had a little magenta orb in the middle, which was very pretty as it reminded me of the nice, pink skies of my homeworld. Although I had never myself seen the above-ground world, and recently all I'd seen were the insides of the ships which I was transported on, I had seen pictures, and I was very impressed with it. I couldn't go above ground until I'd graduated, normally, so this was actually a divine opportunity for me to get to see it. It's just too bad I had to be transported so quickly and with such secrecy -otherwise I really could've gotten a glimpse out a window!

As I was admiring the little wristy-thingy and poking at it, I had absolutely no idea that someone else was watching me. I thought that Dib had abandoned me when I showed disbelief in his ranting theories; and I was right. But what I'd failed to observe was that there was another -the one Dib had mentioned- who wasn't allowed in the boys' bathroom and who'd followed me when I came out. This person was watching me the entire time, as I examined my wrist-thingy and watched the sun glance off its beautiful magenta orb. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make that call to my Tatronian, because just as I was intently examining my wrist-thing, a certain someone jumped out of nowhere and said, "HEY!!!"

This caused me to jump myself and to fall over. Gasping, I looked up and saw, now standing over me, that very same outcast with blue hair, whose normally hate-filled and angry eyes made me long to see my old classmates again. Quickly scuttling and backing up, I didn't even get a chance to reply before she exclaimed, "WHAT'S THAT THING ON YOUR WRIST!?!" Appalled, I couldn't bring myself to ask, "What?!?" as she continued interrogating me. "YOU! That thing you've got on your wrist! Let me see!" She exclaimed, and then promptly pounced.

Screaming, I tried my best to fight her off, but she was just too strong for me. Actually, it reminded me of getting pinned by one of my classmates back on Irk. Eventually I laid, sobbing sadly at my miserable attempts at wrestling, face-down in the dirt as she held my wrist up to examine it. I wondered just where in the HFIL was my security team at this moment!?! Apparently they didn't think it was anything to be concerned about. On Irk, getting pinned by another student was just about commonplace. Okay, so it _was_ commonplace. Practicing your grappling skills on your classmates was not considered unusual. I can even imagine just what they were thinking: 'Oh, will ya' look at that? It looks like he's found someone to grapple with!' 'Really? Ah, isn't that nice?' And so on and so forth.

After examining my wrist very closely, and picking and pulling on the thing to boot, she let it go and finally got off of me. Being used to this same scenario, I pulled myself up and wiped the tears from off my face. I really wanted a tissue right about now! Glaring right at me, I found it hard not to look at her accusing eyes as she asked, "Just where did you get that?" Not receiving an answer from poor old me, she continued, "Well!?! I wanna' know right now! WHERE'D YOU GET IT!?!" Still seeing me staring, saying nothing, she exclaimed, "GGGRRR!!!" and then pulled up her own sleeve from her left wrist. Glancing down at it, I felt myself gasp and almost gag at the sight.

On her wrist was a very similar-looking thingy. In fact, if it wasn't for the orb in the center being an entirely different color -that of blue- I would have sworn that it was EXACTLY the same. Staring dumbfoundedly at it, all I could do was gasp and gape. Staring at me and watching for my expression, she waited for a moment before she explained, "Y'see? Now I want you to tell me absolutely EVERYTHING you know, or I'M GOING TO TEAR YOUR ARM OFF!!!" After considering for a minute about whether or not I _really_ wanted her to tear my obviously cursed arm off, I very slowly nodded and kept my head down.

"Good! Well, then, I'm WAITING!" She exclaimed yet again.

Very slowly considering my answers, I kept my head down and replied, "I-I really dont' know what it is about it, but I-I found it in a crater...it was in a meteorite...I'm! I'm really sorry, but I can't explain anymore."

She was glaring angrily again at me, but she seemed satisfied with my answer. "Hm! I see...And you noticed that you CHANGE at night, am I right?! Into something that's not really HUMAN???"

I almost laughed at this -she really actually thought that I was an Earthling! But I couldn't quite laugh. Also, I hadn't given her any information otherwise, and with this device, for all intents and purposes, I actually _was_ human! Even still, the relief was almost enough to make me giddy with elation. Almost. I nodded nervously to her inquiry.

Then she did something which only served to unnerve me further -she grinned an evil little grin and a look on her face which can best be described as an evil scientist's brilliant plan being re-hatched after a fateful DENG!, and it made me shiver slightly and back away. "Are you pondering what I'M pondering...?" She asked, obviously taking full advantage of her creepiness. I seriously didn't think she was the type to do this, but then again, I had only just met her.

"Erm, uh...no..." I replied meekly.

Suddenly she grinned even further and her eyes sparkled; she even looked a little bit happy, "There's another person on this planet who's had the SAME thing happen! Then it CAN'T be just a coincidence! Don't you see?!?" Her eyes were glowing with sheer determination as she continued, "We can figure this out and get back to NORMAL!!! There must be SOME clue here! If we just work together, we can get these STUPID things OFF OUR WRISTS AND FINALLY BE ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT!!!!!" I looked at her with some slight confusion at that last part, but her previous statements were accurate. If we could work together, then maybe the scientists could figure out- Oh, NO!!! If I told her about the scientists, then I'd have to reveal that I was an alien! Although, would that really be such a bad thing? She obviously could understand aliens, and she would probably be willing to help us -Oh! Wait a minute...

Just what sort of alien did she turn into???

Gathering my last bit of breath, I was about to ask what kind of alien she changed into -and possibly make a stupid mistake, now that I think back about it- when suddenly from behind her came the sound of someone clearing their throat, and then the large, looming figure of the Truant Officer.

"HEY!!!" He shouted just as loud as he possibly could; I presume he did this on purpose. "What are you kids doing out here?!" And still with the loud shouting! Mik, does he have a hearing problem or something?!

After shouting at us some more about staying in class and not skipping, and all sorts of other junk possibly pertaining to delinquency and drugs, although I'm not too sure, he roughly grabbed us both by the shoulders and "escorted" us back to class. He kicked open the door -for whatever reason I can't fathom- and threw us inside. We stumbled into the room and stood there in front of the class, feeling stupid. Then we -or, at least I- very quickly took my seat and tried to ignore the annoying laughs and jeers and confusing looks which I couldn't quite read, all the while feeling myself blushing. I'd never even been so humiliated after getting punished back in Irken school! Mik, I REALLY hated this planet!

Anyways, after I'd taken my seat and Alli was arguing with the Teacher Drone, our class resumed its regular routine, but I could've sworn that Alli was trying to tell Dib something! Regardless, I had managed to make it through the entirety of the day without arousing Zim's suspicions, even when I almost answered a question with an Irken historical name! Although I caught myself in the middle of it -it had 5 syllables- and corrected it. I think it was Aramajimak or something...

Finally, after what was an excruciatingly long time, the last bell of the school day rang and we were dismissed. Thank the Tallest! After I left class, I was making my way to the sidewalk. Just as I reached it and was starting my trek home, both Alli and Dib sniper-jumped me! And I mean JUMPED!!! I was taken so off-guard that I was knocked to the ground and laid there completely devoid of intelligent thought and reasoning. After I finally got my bearings, I looked up into the faces of both Alli and Dib, who stood over me, staring. Alli's face was one of an excited evil mad-scientist's, while Dib's was one of a very dark and disturbing victorious glee, one of which I really couldn't say I'd EVER seen before in my entire life! Just recognizing this expression was a feat within itself! But, despite that...

Dib and Alli pulled me up bodily, yanking me by my arms. After being righted and dusting myself off, they both began speaking to me. At almost exactly the same time! Although I couldn't concentrate on the both of them at once, what I'd gleaned from their combined rantings was something about following them and going to Alli's house and then Dib's house, and maybe even something about sharp objects...? I shivered, trying hard not to appear as though I was trying too hard to keep something from them. As they soon noticed my confused expression, they both stopped and then suddenly pulled me along, saying, "OH! JUST COME ON!!!"

Desperately trying to escape, I looked over to where I knew two of my security team was hiding, and I reached out a hand and mouthing, in Irken, "Help me!" My desperate pleaing, however, fell upon def ears, as my security team just smiled and waved at me, probably assuming that I was being amicably taken away to play. Especially as these two had just jumped on me!

I was dragged to a house, which my captors explained was Alli's, although, for some reason, her parents had disappeared when the meteorite hit. Huh. And an even bigger surprise was waiting for me inside the house.

"Okay," Alli stood before me in the living room. I was seated in the lone big chair. It was comfy, but I just couldn't feel so when I was being interrogated! Dib was on the couch, along with Alli's cat, who, although I didn't know any better at the time, seemed to know what was going on, yet didn't act like it concerned her so. Alli was standing in front of me and proceeded to pace as she asked me lots of questions. I was really hoping that once I got out of this mess, I could count this as experience towards my Irken classes! Mik, passing all those classes without even having to go through the simulations and tests!; that idea was particularly appealing to me. Alli continued on with her interrogation, "So, tell us EXACTLY what happened and how you found this wrist thingy!" She pointed to her own.

I really couldn't tell them the exact truth, so I daftly stumbled over a super-simplified version, which seemed to appease their curiosity. "I, Ihm, um... I found this in a crater, and...and it was in a meteorite, and I really don't know what happened, but the next thing I knew, I woke up in my room and I was just a completely different person! I, I mean, I didn't even recognize myself, and my snacks didn't even taste good, and my -"

I was cut off by Dib, who asked, "What did you look like?"

I really couldn't answer this, so I just mumbled a little, "Ah, a-uhm..." and kept silent.

Alli was beginning to get frustrated, and so she suddenly exclaimed, "GEEZE, JIK! We already KNOW you turn into an alien! Just tell us WHAT KIND, ALREADY!!!"

Paling, I was starting to feel myself sweat as I sank down into the chair and squeaked a little. Mik! Being an Invader was a _lot_ harder than I thought! Of course, it would've helped if the aliens HADN'T found out about my wrist-thing. But I digress. As I sat there and very meekly contemplated my last thoughts of the homeworld and being execrated for my inability to keep my secret, Dib spoke up.

"Hey, why don't we just wait until sundown and see what kind of alien he turns into? I mean," he turned to me and grinned, "If our little friend here doesn't mind~!"

Sighing in exasperation, I sat there, low in the chair, and resigned myself to my terrible, delayed fate.

"RRGGGRRRGGHHH!!!" Alli glared at Dib, upset that she couldn't get anything out of me through her angry interrogation -not knowing yet that I'd already been through an even tougher interrogation back on Irk, with sporks yet- and she begrudgingly agreed. Her cat, in the meanwhile, yawned and stretched itself out, then curled back up again. Its comfortable sleep made me envious at that particular time.

Waiting was almost more uncomfortable than Alli's terrifyingly curious interrogations. Alli and Dib got bored and decided to watch T.V., then Alli got upset that "Poke A Ghost" was cancelled due to some news report about a terrible war in someplace called "Carac", and Dib was upset that "Mysterious Mysteries" was also cancelled for the same reason. So, after a terrible fit of rage by Alli -which involved throwing and breaking the remote, along with the tossing of various cushions and such- they both eventually decided on playing video games, and that kept them entertained until night-time came.

Unfortunately, I didn't sneak away even when they were both absorbed in video games. First, I was being pinned down by the cat, who had decided that she liked my lap much better after being pushed off the couch by Alli when they were watching T.V.; Second, I had a very strong suspicion that even if I did try to sneak off, they would somehow hear me or notice, and I'd be instantly overpowered by both Alli _and_ Dib. Alli could easily wrestle me to the ground, and Dib -for some reason, I had this sneaking supicion that he was a very fast runner, as if he'd had a _lot_ of experience.

And, Thirdly, -I have absolutely no qualms about admitting this- I was actually just scared.

After a long while of Alli and Dib playing "The Bloodening, Part III", I noticed that the sun was going down outside the windows. Soon, Dib's watch started to beep. It was only then that I started to panic. I'd noticed him poking on it earlier -he must've been setting the timer to go off at sunset. "Oh! Geeze, it's almost sundown!" He exclaimed, dropping his controller.

Alli looked over at him, glaring because he'd let their characters die, and then said, "DIB!!! We were almost to the save-point! ARGH! ...Oh! Right! We get to see what kind of alien Jik turns into!!!" And with that, she turned off the game and jumped up.

Gulping, I was trying very hard to look around for an escape route, although I knew that there was no escaping these two.

"Now!" Exclaimed Alli, "It's time for us to show each other our freaky, alien forms!"

I almost felt like laughing; I ALREADY was in my freaky, alien form! But I just couldn't. My eyes widening, I was sinking ever lower into my large chair. Alli suddenly started to shudder and doubled over, looking as if she was in pain. I well know the feeling. After a couple of minutes, she stood up, breathing hard. I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Well, almost. The fact is that I'd actually thought over this possiblity while I was being pinned down in my chair. She was an Irken!!!

They both looked at me. It was then that I realized the one very important thing. I hadn't changed yet! Gasping, I jumped up and dashed from my chair. As I did, Dib exclaimed, "HEY! HE DIDN'T CHANGE!!!" Running as fast as I could, I was pounced on painfully by a VERY angry Alli. Dib stood over us, pointing at me and shouting.

"YOU! YOU DIDN'T CHANGE! WHAT'S GOING ON!? HUH? HUH!?!" Screamed Alli as she held me down. I was starting to sob. "WHY!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU CHANGE INTO AN ALIEN!?!" The combined screams and shouts of both Alli and Dib were murder on my human ears.

"P-Please~!" I moaned. This just made them shout more.

"WHY? HUH!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU CHANGE!?!?!" Alli continued her shrill screams

"B-Because! My days are different!" I finally exclaimed. My tears were running down my face and making it hard for me to see.

"Huh?" Blinked Dib.

"What do you MEAN your days are DIFFERENT!?!" Exclaimed Alli. She still didn't quit screaming.

"I-I mean! I, my days are different! From where I come from!" I hastily tried to explain.

"What? How could your days be _different_? We're all on _Earth_, right? So, unless...!" Dib suddenly came to a realization, "That's it! You're not _from_ Earth, are you!?! A-hah! I KNEW it! THAT must be why you recognized Zim! And why you didn't change into an alien!!!" Dib grinned at his marvelous deduction skills. It was surprising that he jumped straight from "different days" to "alien planets", without even stopping to consider different time-zones!

"What?! What do you MEAN he's not from Earth?!" Asked Alli, still confused. Well, more like screamed than asked.

"Isn't it OBVIOUS? I mean, he transfers in _in the middle of the school year_, he's supposedly Jamaican but he doesn't have an accent, his family's an aunt and a whole bunch of uncles, he looks confused when kids are talking about their favorite idols, he seems like he absolutely _hates _it here, and he completely FREAKS OUT whenever he sees Zim! He _must_ be an ALIEN!!!" Dib explained, grinning ear-to-ear. He was seriously giddy over all this. And I was actually surprised by his detective skills. It was impressive, if not a little creepy.

"Really?" Alli looked down at me. I was trying very hard not to say anything. I whimpered a little bit -she was sitting on my back and my neck was crammed at a very uncomfortable angle. Alli glared down at me, then got up. I was never more relieved to be able to sit up again! I wiped off my face and began to stand up, dusting myself off. Then she did something very surprising: she called for her cat -or, what _used _to be a cat. "SHY! Get over here!"

The little kitty-cat was now a little robot, or so it seemed. It appeared instantly and replied, "Ye~ees?" In a feminine robotic voice.

"Watch him! If he tries anything, I want you to shoot him! You got it?" Alli ordered, pointing.

"Yes, yes!" Replied the little SIR-Unit looking robot-thingy happily, saluting, and then pointing a laser from the top of her head at me.

"Good! Now..." Alli grabbed the front of my shirt and glared, saying evilly, "Tell me _just_ what's going on here, and I'll let you keep all of your limbs~!"

I gulped and nodded a little bit. This was _really_ not going the way I'd planned it! No, really, my whole LIFE by now was _really_ not going the way I'd planned it! She let go and stepped back a bit.

"Now tell us EVERYTHING!..." Alli commanded.

!*~^~^~*!

"So...let me get this straight..." Dib was pacing in front of us. We still stood where we were last, and I'd explained everything as much as I supposed I could, whilest both Alli and Dib looked on in disbelief. "You're an IRKEN, who found this thing in a crater and it turned you into a HUMAN? But because you couldn't get any water or food, you had to be sent here to Earth while your scientists worked on a way to cure you?"

"Uh...yeah," I replied.

"That's just TOO easy!" Exclaimed Alli. "I mean, what are the chances of that ACTUALLY happening?! About a billion to 1?!" I had to agree with that -it _was_ highly improbable. "I think we should just keep him here and do some tests on him and wait until he changes!"

"Erm! Well, about that-!" I started, "It'll be another 3 Earth days until I can change back again!"

"Seriously?" Asked Alli. I was a little surprised; she wasn't screaming.

Dib mumbled, "Ah, right, of course!..." For some reason, it seemed that he knew an awful lot about Irkens -it was making me incredibly uncomfortable.

"Yeah... Er! That, and my security team is going to be really mad if they find out you've taken me!" I added.

"Wait, you said you have a security team?" Asked Dib.

"Er, yes," I replied.

"Then...is _Zim_ on your security team?"

"What!? No! In fact, I, I mean we, didn't even know he was here! I mean, we thought we were going to be on the complete other side of the planet from him! Um, but then this giant Huggy Squishy monster thing happened, and then the Poop spilled, and..."

"Hey, wait a minute! If you're here, then wouldn't Zim _know_ about it? I mean, why wouldn't you want his protection?"

"NO! GUH! PLEASE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, PLEASE!!!!! DON'T TELL HIM!!!!!!!" I screamed in sheer terror. I just couldn't have that horrible little Irken monstrosity ruining an already cataclysmic circumstance!

Both Alli and Dib seemed genuinely surprised. And I even think the SIR-Cat-Unit thing was, too.

"Uhm...Hooo-kaaayyyyy..." Said Dib.

"Oooh, this is gettin' _interesting_~!" Said Alli mischievously.

There was a moment of silence before someone finally spoke up. It was Dib who spoke first, "So...you mind telling us _why_ you're suddenly freaking out?"

"Huh...?" The question was absolutely absurd to my mind. "Why...? Don't you- oh, right! You're all the way on the edge of the universe! Of _course_ you didn't know!"

"KNOW WHAT!?" Exclaimed Alli impatiently.

I tried to think of exactly how to explain this, "W-Well, erm... You see, well... You know how _horribly_ horrible Zim is, right?"

"No, DUH!" Replied Dib.

"Er! Well, you see, on our planet, he cause such HORRIBLE destruction, that he was banished to Foodcourtia. But he escaped and for some reason -because he's such a _moron_- he thought he could be an Invader again if he just showed up! But thankfully, the Tallest had an idea to keep him out of the way so he wouldn't _ruin_ things again! So they- *snicker* -they told him that there was this mysterious planet out on the edge of the universe and that he had to conquer it!" I ended up laughing at the end because it was just so funny. Stupid Zim!

They both stared at me.

"Wait a minute! You mean that Zim is just an IDIOT who's in EXILE here?" Asked Alli.

"Yup."

"And he doesn't even KNOW it?"

"Uh-huh!"

More silence. Then Dib spoke up, "Wait a minute! Just _why_ should we believe you?!"

"Erm...Because...I'm not an idiot...?" Was the only reason I could think of.

There was even more silence.

"Well," Alli spoke up, "If you think about it, it really _does_ make sense." Dib shot a dark look at her. "Well, THINK about it! I mean, he thinks the Golden Mean is a disgruntled miner!"

Dib thought for a moment, "Well...it _does_ make sense... I can't imagine any advanced alien race sending someone like ZIM to invade a planet... Although he _is_ destructive."

"Oh, and _how_!" I replied with a wave of my hand.

Suddenly Dib started snickering, and then he began laughing and doubled over, finally falling onto the floor with hilarity. Alli and I looked on with confused interest. We looked at each other. Then back at him.

"Hee hee hee! It looks like he's a little happy caterpillar!" Shy said, giggling.

We looked back at Dib. "Hm...Yeah, he really does...!" I observed.

"Mm-hmm!" Nodded Alli.

A few more moments of silently observing Dib's laughing fits. Then we snapped out of it.

"Okay!" Exclaimed Alli suddenly, "So, what do we do with you?" She then turned to Dib, "HEY! DIB! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!"

Dib was still rolling around on the floor with laughter. Apparently something was absolutely hilarious, and he wasn't letting us in on it.

"Can I go home now?" I chanced to ask.

"What?! AS IF!! We can't let you go back and tell everyone about us!" Exclaimed Alli. I winced; Alli's consistent screaming was _really_ starting to get to me.

"But, if they knew, then they could find a way to cure both of us!" I countered pleadingly.

"Hah! Oh, _yeah_, like I'd want to be made into a GUINEA-PIG for a bunch of WEIRD ALIENS!!!" She exclaimed once again. I had to admit: she had a point, there.

I sighed. "Well, if I don't go back soon, they're going to get _really_ worried, and if they come in and find another Irken here, they're going to start interrogating and all kinds of stuff -believe me, I know!- so you'll _have_ to let me go back!"

Alli growled, but didn't shout, "I _know that_, but I still don't trust you! We can't be _sure_ you won't tell them everything once you get back!"

Dib pulled himself up from the floor, still giggling a little, and said, "H-hey! *Giggle* Wh-why can't we take something of his as proof? If he ever wants it back, he'll have to make sure he doesn't tell anyone about us!"

"Hey, yeah! That's right!" Grinned Alli.

I sighed once again, "But guu~uys, I _know_ the scientists can help cure us, and I don't have anything to offer, anyways!"

"Oh, _really_~?" Stated Dib sarcastically. "Then I'll tell you what: Why don't YOU go back, get tested on, and come get us when they're done curing you! _Then_ we'll know be convinced!"

I shot Dib a dead-pan look for his annoying sarcasm.

"How long have they been working on this cure?" Asked Alli. I was surprised; she wasn't screaming _and_ she had a very good question!

I thought for a moment. "W-well, excluding the time it took for interrogations and traveling to this planet, probably a couple of days -Irken days, that is."

"So, how much do they know?" Asked Dib eagerly.

"W-well, it's not, I mean, we aren't sure...it seems that it _is_ connected to my D.N.A., but even with knowing that, there's still far too many variables to be able to-" Alli cut me off.

"So what you're saying is, you and your super-smart scientists can't figure this thing out, either!"

"Hey, give it a while~! I mean, they've only just started working on it! That, and we're not familiar with the human body! It'll be a long time before we can get enough information to actually work on this problem," I explained, then gave a look over at Dib, "That _is_, if we don't have _someone_ to help us!"

Dib glared over at me. Just as I was about to make a comment about mutual benefits, a sound interrupted our little "negotiations".

My communicator disguised as an Earth Cell-Phone began to ring. Not knowing exactly what it was, I looked around for a bit before Alli finally said, "STUPID! It's your CELL-PHONE!"

Feeling embarrassed and slightly relieved, I pulled it out and opened it up. Holding it in front of my face -to see the screen- I winced as a very loud and commanding commander shouted over the line, "DANGIT, JIK! QUIT PLAYING AND COME HOME NOW!!!"

Not having any other choice, I simply said, "Yes, Sir! Er, I'm sorry!" The screen went blank, and I saw Dib laughing again. Shutting my cell-phone, I turned to look at him and said, "What?"

Not giving any explanation, Dib just said, "Oh~ Nothing~!" And continued snickering.

Sighing with irritation, I said, "Well, I guess that's that. I'll have to go home now, otherwise they'll burst in here and drag me away!" Well, this wasn't entirely true. I'm sure my security team would have enough sense to knock first. Still, it gave my argument strength.

Alli glared at me. Dib stopped his laughing and said, "H-*snicker* Wait a minute, are 'they' your security team? Are they hiding around here somewhere?" He began looking around quickly. I got a very strong feeling he did this a lot.

"Yeah -well, almost. They hide and follow me. I think they're right outside the house." I answered easily.

"WHAT!?!" Yelled Alli, grabbing me by the shirt.

"Hey, hey! Don't worry!" I said, "I don't think they heard anything! I mean, they didn't follow me inside! They know when to give me space! I-If they followed me too closely, it'd be weird, right? ...Right?!"

Calming down, Alli let go of my shirt. "Listen here, you stupid freak! If you even breathe ONE WORD about us to ANYONE, you're going to wish you were NEVER born! YOU GOT THAT!?!"

Nodding nervously and gulping, I said, "Mm-hmm!" And then left.

Exiting that house, I'd never felt more relieved in my entire life! I almost felt like collapsing shakily to the ground, but seeing one of my disguised security guards pop up from behind the bushes cured that. Holding out his hand, he said, "Come on, smeet, let's go home." And walked back with me.

That night, I'd never been so tired in my entire life! I was so exhausted I even forgot to mention Zim or anything else; I simply walked in and collapsed onto my bed and soon fell asleep.

I missed snacky-time.

*~*

~*~*~*~

*

(Author's Notes: Yeah, I know, there's a whole discontinuity about, "If they didn't have any water and humans can't survive without water for 3 days, how did he survive for 3 1/4 days before they left for Earth?" And for that, I just chalk it up to "Space MAGIC!!!" And leave it at that. *Nods*)

Pretty-please, R+R!!! *^v^*


	3. Intergalactic Hijinks are Way More Fun

DISCLAIMER: I don't own this original story idea, OR Invader Zim! The only things I own are Jik and a whole bunch of scientists and guards, and some made-up words~!

Author's Notes are at the end!

* * *

**CHAPTER 3 "Intergalactic Hijinks Are Way More Fun Than Boredom"**

In the morning, I awoke to an annoying little jingle playing outside my head. Which was even more annoying, since at first I thought it was inside my head! I woke up and blinked my eyes blearily, only to discover a weird little device -Earth-clock-like- hanging by my bed, suspended by one of the hands of the scientists. This scientist, in turn, was in his human disguise, and so naturally I blinked in surprise. I wasn't quite awake enough to gasp. Then he laughed and turned his hologram off, which revealed his natural green, Irken form. I was quite thankful and relieved at this. After that, he said "Wakey-wakey~!" And then proceeded to prattle on about his new acquisition for my bedroom. Goodness, these guys liked dressing up my living quarters with all kinds of "normal" Earth boy stuff!

Despite this oh-so-rude awakening, I sat up and tried to rub the little hardened crumbs of sleep out of my eyes. Mik, these human bodies are so annoying! Always oozing stuff from every orifice! What...? Why are you laughing?! You guyy~yys! (A/N: Okay, that is the only time I'm going to break the fourth wall! I'm sorry, but it just HAD to be done~!)

After getting up and dressing, I made my way downstairs to the main level. There, I was greeted with many of the scientists and security guards, who said "hi" and asked me how I slept. After assuring them that my sleep was adequate, I was then suddenly pounced upon by my Tatronian, who was in her human form as well. She toppled me to the ground and I lay there, with her sitting on my back. I moaned in irritation and pain, and she said "hi" as well, and informed me of what a beautiful day it supposedly was. Mik! She was getting just so WEIRD! Even her actions were getting stranger. After she got off of me, I very painfully stretched myself out and made my way towards the dining room for breakfast.

"Breakfast", as it was called, because one "broke the fast" of nighttime, is still a new concept to me. We Irkens eat almost anytime of the day, just whenever it pleases us. It really doesn't matter, since we don't actually need to eat food.

My "break-fast" is made for me, usually by the computer, with some help from the scientists. They always want to make sure that I have a very "healthy" diet, I suppose. In any case, today I'm having some bacon -the fatty meat from the side of an Earth-pig- scrambled eggs -the unfertilized ovum of an Earth-chicken- and some buttered toast -which needs no explanation. The scrambled eggs even have other things in them, like onions, peppers, and some cheese, I'm told. There is a side of mixed Earth fruit, with some orange juice and water to drink with it. Supposedly, a very well-rounded breakfast. It tastes alright, -especially the bacon!- and I ate it with less than the usual non-vigor.

Noticing my slightly aimless disposition, my Tatronian next to me -who needed to eat human food as well- leaned over and asked me, "What's wrong?" She seemed to still have that same piercing gaze to see right through me. Only now this gaze was not focused through a mechanical lens. Which just made it more creepy.

"Hurp!" I gulped down a piece of said-delicious-bacon and toast especially hard. I looked over at her with what I only hoped was a confused expression and asked, "hum?"

"Hoh wow. You look just like a lost puppy-dog. AMAZING!" She clapped her hands together in happiness. D'oh. There goes my last hope for a normal expression. "So~!" She leaned in closer to me, "Just what is it that's wrong with you...today...?"

I sweated instantly and then shoved a giant shovelful of the Earth-food into my mouth. I tried to chew and hum like I was explaining everything to her in a happy and excited manner. Apparently she was not impressed.

Leaning back and grinning at me, she just said, "Oh, really~?" She smiled and stared somewhat amusedly at me with an all-knowing manner. Dang-it! That was getting annoying!

Still hoping to get through this normally without having to answer any questions, I continued chewing and shoving food into my pie-hole, before finally forcing it down with a huge gulp of juice. Gasping for air, I could see my Tatronian's expression out of the corner of my eye. It looked rather impressed. Shoving that out of my mind, I got up from the table and ran to get my things.

I had been hopeful since she didn't follow me to my room, and the other scientists and guards were in the living room watching some sort of show about a guy named Ernest going to jail or something. So I headed for the front door; just one more lap to go before I was in the clear...

"So...would you like me to walk you to school?"

"U-WAugh!"

I almost fell back as she suddenly appeared, standing over me, one arm against the top part of the door. "Ee-errm...!" I sweat-dropped even more. There was just no avoiding it!

"Sooo...?" She leaned in close to me. I tried my hardest to look away as I turned my head slightly. "Aw-what's the matter? You act like you're tryin' to get rid of me~ee..."

"Heh...heh-heh...no, Sir...would you walk with me...?" I replied, finally giving in to her. If I made a big fuss, they'd get suspicious...and at least if my Tatronian was walking me to school, I wouldn't have all the scientists and guards to deal with.

She grinned somewhat evilly, "That's better!" She then whacked me on the back and forced me out the door. "Come on, now, hurry! Don't be late!"

Sighing, I let her grab her shoes and a bag which she needed for whatever reason I never knew of, and then yank me off the porch as she set out in a run. I wailed as she dragged me along -dang, why was she this strong?!- and finally was allowed to catch my breath as we stopped at a crosswalk a couple of blocks down. Since we'd run off ahead of the security team -this was no problem since I was with my Tatronian- we had some time to kill. Which suddenly surprised me as to her amount of forethought, because she turned to me and said, "Okay, let's talk."

"E-erm! I-ah-er-! Wh-what...?!" I was caught off-guard, once again. That, and I was still trying to catch my breath.

"'Come on, spill it! And hurry, before the security gets here!"

I suddenly realized that she was giving me this chance to say something without everyone else hearing. Huh. Funny thing for her to do, although I didn't think it would keep me out of trouble. Despite this, I was now greatly hoping for her help and advice, and was tired of trying to keep this secret from everybody. I just wanted to get this over with! Sighing, I mumbled, "Mmm, well, yesterday I kind-of ended up-"

"What? What was that? I can't hear you!" She said annoyingly, holding a hand to one ear. Well, at least that part of it/her hadn't changed.

Taking a deep breath, I almost exclaimed, "Ifoundsomeoneelsewiththiswri stthingandthentheykidnappedm e,andItriedtogetawayandIcouldn 't,andthenIfoundoutthatsheturns intoanIrken,andwhenIdidn'tchangetheygotsuspicioussoIh adtotellthemeverythingandthe ntheymademepromisethatIwould n'ttellanybodybecauseshedidn'twanttogetcutupandexperiment edon,soIhadtodoitandnowIdon'tknowwhattodobecauseI'mjustssSSOO~OOSTUUUUPPPIIIIIDDD!" I gasped for breath, sweat running down my face.

Thankfully, it seems my Tatronian had retained her robot-like efficiency. "So, I see..." she said, putting her chin in her hand thoughtfully. "That does seem like a problem..." She thought for a few more seconds, then said, "So, is there anything else? Something you forgot to tell me?" She looked at me, but she didn't seem angry.

I thought for a moment before finally one thing "pinged" in my head. I raised my finger and said, "Ah, well, Zim is-" But just as I was about to tell her the one most important thing, one of the guards walked up.

"H-hey, you guys, it's kind-of hard to follow you if you just run off like that!" His hologrammed face was breathing a bit harder than usual. I was tense. Did he hear me just now saying Zim's name? And would my Tatronian do anything about my stupidity I'd just admitted to? But my Tatronian spoke up, belying my fears.

"Sorry, just a little anxious to try out my new body, you know!" She smiled, hand behind her head. I literally gaped. Was she just...sticking up for me...?! Last time I'd heard, a Tatronian didn't do that...! Oh, no, was she malfunctioning?! But then she turned to me and said, "Come on, lil' smeet, I'll race you to the Skool!" And took off running across the street. I had no choice but to run with her while the guard behind me let out an audible sigh.

Taking a shortcut through the unusually named "Hurt Park", we slowed to a jogging pace, and my Tatronian struck up the conversation again in a low voice, "Don't worry about it, lil' smeet, I'll take care of everything. You just keep pretending to be normal, okay? Heh, who knows? Maybe your little 'subterfuge' will work out for the best?"

Still trying to hide my absolute shock -and happiness- I simply agreed, saying "Yes, Sir," before suddenly remembering what I was going to say earlier. "H-hey! About what I was going to say-" She cut me off.

"Anyways, let's cut the chat. 'Come on! I wanna' see how fast I can take this body!" She exclaimed happily. Something tells me she likes having a tall, moving body more than she lets on. Wait a minute, that doesn't make sense... Anyhow, before I could counter with a "wait up", she sped on ahead. I breathed deeply before following.

When we finally made it to the Skool -after running into trashcans when we went by an ally and falling into mud puddles along the way- we were completely out of breath. I leaned on a pole and breathed heavily, my sides and legs aching. She also was bent over, gasping and almost laughing. After a few minutes of gasping, we stood in front of the Skool waiting. Well, we had to make sure we didn't outrun the guards!

Still almost laughing, my Tatronian spoke up, "Well, that concludes your morning exercises! Take care now, and have fun uh-ahm, not really learning...in Skool!" She had to pause a bit because she knew there wasn't anything really important they could teach me in this place.

"Ahm, h-hey, what about that-that thing that I was about to tell you before?" I suddenly remembered, looking around for the guards.

"Erm, well-" she started, but then saw that there were two people coming towards me. For the record, we were a bit early. Skool didn't start for another 37 minutes, and the buses containing large loads of kids hadn't even arrived yet. And the two people coming towards me, were the two people whom I'd last seen when they tried to threaten my life!

They seemed to be on a mission, and I stole a glance over at my Tatronian, hoping for her to live up to her word, before looking again and finding I was face-to-face with the large-headed one, Dib. I gulped. "Well, hello~, Jik!" He grinned somewhat sadistically.

Alli spoke up, thankfully, before he got any creepier. "Hey, who's this?" She asked, pointing to my Tatronian.

"O-oh! Th-That's my, ah...Aunt." I replied, introducing her. Then I suddenly remembered I didn't remember the name she'd picked out for herself!

"Hi, I'm Tatratitan. You can call me 'Tatty'." She replied, waving and smiling, but regarding my two "friends" with a careful eye. She seemed to be sizing them up, and somehow I hoped she still had scanners in that head of hers, because I was seriously freaked out.

"'Tatty', eh~?" Replied Dib, slightly smirking.

Alli, however, was looking at something else. "Why are you both all muddy?"

My "Aunt Tatty" and I looked at each other. Then she started laughing, "I was racing this lil' sucker all the way here! He did pretty good...for a first-grader!"

I moaned at the mention of "first-grader".

"Ehn-humh..." Dib had a slight smirk on his face -he seemed to be enjoying observing this little interaction between two aliens. Alli was thankfully more normal. And by normal, I mean angry.

"WHY would somebody actually RACE to get to SKOOL in the morning!?" She exclaimed, throwing her arms up at the absurdity. I had to admit, she had a point.

"Why, don't you like coming to school?" My Tatronian said mischievously. Alli's expression was that of one taunting their opponent to show their stuff. I had to interrupt before her pushing ended with she and Alli in an all-out battle!

"Hey, then why are you guys here so early?" I asked, hoping my Tatronian would understand the near-danger that I was trying to avoid by interrupting her conversation. But my comment just made Alli's face sour as she pouted.

"Um, well, you see," began Dib, scratching the back of his head as he tried to broach the subject carefully. "I wanted to see what the Vice Principal was up to so early in the morning -because I have this sneaking suspicion that she's actually a VAMPIRE in disguise!- and then-"

"But I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU!" Shouted Alli suddenly, "She COULDN'T be a VAMPIRE if she's actually OUTSIDE during the daytime!"

"But that's not TRUE! She could be ANOTHER TYPE of Vampire! There's MORE than just the TRANSYLVANIAN TYPE, YOU KNOW!" Exclaimed Dib just as loudly, trying to be heard.

I winced as their loud, obnoxious debating reached over to my ears. It was at times like this when I wished I could manually turn my own ears off. But that was difficult even in Irken form.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM YOUR PIE-HOLES!" Shouted my Tatronian suddenly. I was quite surprised -never had I had the chance to see her interacting with more than one person, and never had she been in a position where she needed to take command. It was scary.

The other two stopped yelling and stared straight at her, with the same surprised expression that I had.

Alli stepped up to her and looked right in her face. "Okay, then. You say that you're his 'aunt', right?" I gulped. This conversation was suddenly getting dangerous!

"Yea." My Tatronian observed calmly, still observing her, sizing her up.

"Then...why don't you look like him? You don't even have the same color skin!" Alli pointed to me as she said this.

"Um, hey, Alli," said Dib, trying to get her to stop whatever it is she was doing. But Alli just pushed his poiking hand away and continued staring right up into my "aunt"'s eyes. My Tatronian still regarded her with a calm, mechanical gaze.

"That's easy. I got the genes from the other side of the family." My Tatronian gave a side glance to me. She had "white" skin of a slight mocha shade, and wavy, bright red hair. I didn't know what area of the planet such coloring was normally from, but I knew that it meant we did not look familialy related. But my Tatronian seemed to know much more about genealogy than I did, as she easily answered all of Alli's questions.

"WHICH side of the family...?" Asked Alli with investigative suspicion. I was quite impressed with this quality of hers -she could be an interrogator when she grows up.

"His father's side. He was my brother. Our mother -Jik's grandmother- was Scottish, and she had the red-haired genes as were passed down to him. I got my mother's side." My Tatronian replied with ease. I practically gaped. They really did think up everything when they where figuring out my background. And I was even more impressed that she had remembered it all.

Dib seemed to be a little more nervous than normal. He was prodding Alli, trying to get her attention, but she just kept shrugging him off. "Erm! Alli, I don't think-"

"Hmph! That's an easy excuse! But just where in Jamaica are you from, exactly~?" Alli continued on, ignoring Dib's constant prodding finger.

Suddenly Dib exclaimed, "OH, HEY, WOW! WILL YA' LOOK AT THE TIME!? AREN'T THEY SERVING BREAKFAST IN THE CAFETERIA THIS EARLY?! COME ON, ALLI!" He grabbed Alli by the arm and started walking away.

"What?! Bu-ut Dib! Who would want to eat BREAKFAST at SKOOL!?" Exclaimed Alli, as he grabbed her arm. But as he kept walking he started pulling her. "HE-HEY! HEEEYY! WHAT'S-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I AM SO GOING TO KILL YOU, DIB!"

Both my Tatronian and I let out a sigh of relief as they rounded the gated corner to the entrance. "Phew! I'm glad THAT'S over!" Said my Tatronian. I pointed sheepishly and started to explain about them, but she held up a hand.

"I know, I know, those are the two who are, uh...'befriending'...you?" She said, trying to find the right word that wouldn't give the contents of our previous conversation away to anybody.

"Erm...yes, Sir..." I said again quietly. It was at about that time that I noticed my security guards hiding out nearby. That might have been why Dib was looking so nervous as Alli threateningly interrogated my Tatronian. (Woah! Try saying THAT ten times fast!)

"Well, don't worry about it!" She said, smiling, "I'm sure they're not gonna' harm ya' TOO much!" Then she slapped me on the back, which pushed me forward with an "oof". "In fact, I bet they'll be real useful to you! Especially that lil' blue-haired girl, she seems like a smart one!" She continued, still grinning somewhat mischievously, then turned around to go. Well, I'll see ya' after school! Laters!" She exclaimed as she waved to me, starting up a jog again. I waved back. It just occurred to me that the security guards would have a hard time keeping up with her again, which was humorous, until I realized that they were only here for me, and probably wouldn't even bother following her back.

I sighed. Now I had to turn around and go INTO that horrifying den of horrors which was so ineptly named "Skool", and face those horrible humans again. This was just not my day today.

* * *

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE MAIN BASE...

The scientists at Jik's "house" were sitting around in the living room. It wasn't like they had much else to do besides this, since they couldn't experiment on Jik while he was away. They had just finished watching "Ernest Goes to Jail" in an early-morning marathon of the "Ernest Goes to" movies. And they were bored. B-O-R-E-D BORED! They had tried many various things to amuse themselves during their stay on this little planet. They finished their work. They sent out their early reports, which were still inconclusive. They went shopping for various "normal Earth items and apparel" for Jik, their little guinea-pig/smeet. They'd even played cards and sang random songs about socks and how many bottles of liquor there were on the wall. But it was all too little.

"PHOO! There's NOTHING TO DO in this place!" Exclaimed one of the scientists. He was currently hanging his head back over the back of his chair, holding a cup of something he'd hoped was distracting enough to be enjoyable. But it wasn't.

The other scientists agreed. "Hey! Why don't we- no, wait, we already painted our fingers and counted all our toes..." One of them tried to find an idea, but was brutally confronted with the facts. The others moaned in reply.

"I bet we could find some other fun stuff for Jik's bedroom at the stores..." Someone else spoke up. He, too, was leaning his head back like the first, but sans the drink. Everyone else moaned.

"We've BEEN buying stuff at the stores for him!" Said another scientist.

"AND online!" Interjected another, holding his finger in the air.

"WHICH, by the way, haven't come in yet..." replied another, also holding a finger up.

"And if we KEEP buying stuff for him, they'll think we're spoiling him!" Said the one hanging his head back with a drink in his hand.

"Aww," moaned another, "But it's just so much fun! ...And besides, it's the only thing to do here!"

"Who's going to care? They're aaallllll the waaaayyyyyy over there!" Said another, motioning from his lazily state on the floor. They were all spread out around the living room in a slightly catatonic state from too much snack food and movie-watching.

"But we STILL have to answer to them! We're supposed to be, I don't know, raising him or something? Psh!" The scientist who was previously leaning his head back was upright now, and drinking from his only slightly-distracting drink.

Everyone else moaned at this. "Isn't that what those computers are fooo~oor?" Moaned someone. The act of actually raising a child hadn't been done by Irkens for hundreds of years -just the thought of having to take care of a smeet with no computer-centralized, controlled environment was absolutely appalling to them. Which was why there were so many scientists and guards assigned to this mission. If even they couldn't take care of him, then all hope was lost! But that wasn't their main concern right now.

Earthlings generally had jobs they went to during the daytime while their children attended school. But these scientists had already done all their work, and without the little smeet there to experiment on, they weren't going to get anything else done. Earthlings generally hung out with friends on their days off. But all these scientists had was each other, and they had been hanging out together for many days now. Earthlings usually went places to enjoy themselves when they had time off. But all these scientists could do was... "HEY! Wait a minute, THAT'S IT!" Exclaimed another scientist, suddenly sitting up from his place on the floor amongst the pillows.

"What's WHAT?" Asked everyone almost unanimously.

"Why don't we go out and see the sights -you know, exploring! I mean, after all, it IS sort-of our job~!" He explained happily.

"What?" Asked some. "But we can always do research and stuff with our computers -there's no need to do any of that!" Explained someone.

"But where's the fun in THAT?!" Said another sitting on the pillows next to the one with the epiphany.

"Yeah, an' I heard there's a really great 'amusement park' type place down by the wharf!" Replied another.

"Heh, yeah! Let's do it!" Exclaimed another.

"Hey, hey, wait!" Said the guy with the drink, "What are we gonna' tell the others where we're goin'?"

They all sat and thought for a moment.

"Wait a minute, I got it!" Said the one with the previous epiphany sitting on the floor with the pillows.

After leaving a couple of brief notes with the computer to explain where they went, they set out on their next amazing adventure.

* * *

AT THE SKOOL...

"Well, that was a bit of a scare, what with that angry little girl interrogating the Tatronian and whatnot, but at least nothing bad happened. We'd better inform the scientists, though, just to be on the safe side." The security guards that were monitoring Jik were currently compiling their observations. Two of them were hiding out in a bush while they collected updates from the others. These were the two currently conversing.

"Good. And while they're at it, maybe they can try looking up some information about those two er-uh, what are you fiddling with?" The second guard asked, (who was actually in charge of the security team.)

"I've been trying to contact the scientists, but they're not answering. I'll try asking the computer." Said the first guard, who was messing with his communicator manually, since his mental commands only allowed for so much fiddling.

"Hm...Weird. Well, keep try-"

"I got it." The guard who was fiddling with his communicator announced suddenly.

"Oh, that was fast."

"It says... 'Gone Evil-Eye Jelly-Fishing, be back soon'...? What the hey?!"

* * *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(A/N: Didn't you all like those lovely little scenes with absolutely NO NAMES IN 'EM!? Huh? Huh? HUH!? *Laughs* Sorrys, but I'll try thinking up their names and characters the next time I see them. I just can't keep making up so many characters, it's annoying because then I have to take care of them! *Sighs* Anyways, I'll stop bothering you all with this and let you get on to the rest of the story! CIAO!)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * *

MEANWHILE, AT ANOTHER PART OF THE SKOOL...

I walked slowly around the skool, feeling a little weird since I didn't have to actually be in class for another 26 minutes. I really didn't want to run into Dib or Alli again, nor did I really wish to have to speak with any other sentient creatures around here -although "sentient" is a term to be used lightly with this species. Sighing yet again at my interminably terrible existence, I almost bumped into a wall as I overheard something interesting drifting down the hallway.

This was an almost unbearable moment for me, as I did not wish, under any circumstances near or far, to ever have to exchange glances with this person, let alone hear him speaking. But this one person was one I was unable to avoid completely. Despite all this dancing around my subject, I'm pretty sure you all have an idea who I'm talking about now. Yes, it was HIM.

FAUX-Invader Zim.

As I was most certain I didn't want to be near him, despite this, the conversation he was having with a strange and unknown being was ...regrettably, slightly interesting to me. And I pulled my head back just in time to avoid becoming too well-acquainted with a wall. I very quickly looked around, then ducked back into the shadow of a trashcan, just across from the Skool's display case, showing various trophies and things.

There, down the hallway, was Zim's voice -unmistakably loud, I'll never understand why he went to any lengths to be secretive, he just blew his own cover so easily- prattling on and on to an unknown listener about his latest and most diabolical plan to destroy all the humans and life on the planet, or something. I dunno, when he rants it's hard to understand what he's talking about. Wait, that's all the time...

As I tried to stifle a laugh because his speech was just that hilarious, I tried to understand what it was he was talking about. "And now, I'll get that rigga-fraggin' rat, and show him who's the mad pit boss!" I had no idea what a "mad pit boss" was, nor could I comprehend what "rigga-fraggin'" meant. "Then, and ONLY THEN, can I completely INCINERATE THE HUMAAANNS!" I still had no idea what his plan was.

"Hey, uh, Zim, step back, would you?" Came another voice. It accompanied a squeaking-wheeled sound, like a small but heavy thing on wheels being rolled around. "I need to clean here." It was obviously a Janitorial-drone, cleaning up before Skool started and being unhappily disturbed by Zim's rant-plotting. Zim responded in raving-lunatic kind, but still didn't seem to phase the Janitor-drone. Mik, I really respected that Janitor-drone's courage for standing up to him!

"...And I, the very GREAT and MIGHTY ZIIIIIIMMMM! NORMAL HUMAN EARTH-LARVA, will make you BOW DOOOWWWN to your ALIEN LEADERS! ONCE THEY finally return AFTER I HAVE CONQUERED ALLLLLL OF HUMANITYYYYYYY!" Continued Zim. But it seems like he had stepped aside, because the Janitor-drone didn't ask again.

"Thanks." I barely heard the Janitor-drone mumble, as he slopped a big mop down on the floor. Zim must have decided to continue his little "debriefing" somewhere else, since his ranting voice drifted off down the hallway. And whatever -or whoever- it was that he had been debriefing was heard a few seconds later to take a large "sluuuuck" on some drink or something, then its clanking feet sounded as it hobbled off after Zim in an oddly chaotic manner. Although I couldn't see it, I knew the sounds of someone sucking on a drink and jumping up to their feet to run off. It wasn't exactly astral-science to discern at least that much.

"Heh, it looks like Zim's up to his stupid plans again, eh?" I heard and felt someone right beside me breathe, and I barely had room to turn my head before finding out that it was Dib, hiding behind me. I jumped and gasped, pushing the trashcan back as I jumped away from him. I almost fell down, but I caught myself.

"M-M-MIIIKK!" I said, still gasping. "Jus-J-Just wha-!"

"Hah hah hah hah!" Laughed Dib, "Did I scare ya'? Hee hee, I'm used to sneaking around like this, so I've gotten pretty good at it!" He grinned very proudly at this fact, also seeming to enjoy my scared hopping about. Not that I could blame him for that last part, I mean, who wouldn't? But that wasn't on my mind at this point.

"I'm-I'm-I mean, I'm-ahm-! I, er, Iahm, I h-heard, an-an' then I-I-ah-" I tried nervously to explain, even pointing futily at my intended subject, but Dib just held up a hand at that.

"I know, I know, I'm only kidding! I guess you heard some of Zim's more infamous rants and decided to investigate, huh?" He said, still grinning. Mik, I just can't get used to him grinning, like he's happy about something!

I slowly lowered my finger that I had been pointing with, and then nodded.

"Eh, well, that's okay! I already know what his next plan is, anyways." Replied Dib with a wave of his hand.

I looked at him inquisitively. "But, ev-even af-fter I told you..." I started, but I lost my voice and faded out.

"Ah, I know, you're right, I already looked into that, but even still! Someone has to be there to make sure that Zim doesn't wreak untold havoc over the ENTIRE EARTH!" His voice rose and I could see his passion as he clenched his fists, raising one high into the air. Eventually he looked down and could see the worried look on my face. "That, AND, I'm still trying to capture him so I can do all kinds of horrifying experiments on him!" He explained simply.

This was still unnerving, and I felt like a Pworb guinea-pig next to an eager assistant scientist. They were always the dangerous kind, those ones. Always looking to please their seniors... But, despite this disturbing train of thought, no one else seemed to pick up on the "danger!" vibes that I was getting. Even Alli, who also showed up unexpectedly, wasn't picking up on anything.

"Hah hah hah!" I heard her laughing, and I looked up. She was standing above us, strangely unnoticed, and now laughing her head off, "I can't believe you guys! Hah-ha-you-Ah~! Jik, you look JUST like a scared lab-rat!" She continued laughing.

I couldn't tell what was so funny -I wasn't in such an amicable mood after being scared senseless- but Dib started laughing, too, and I instantly felt my dignity points begin to fall. Twisting my face into a pout, I said, "H-hey, what's so funny?" And this just fueled their insane fits of laughter. I still couldn't tell what they were laughing at, -besides my low dignity points- and I decided to stiffen up and try to be assertive. Which wasn't one of my strong points, but hey, I am still just a smeet! "I-I said, what's with all the laughter? Hey-hey!" But I still failed to get through to them. Finally, I just stood up -after scooting a ways away from them- and decided to leave. I didn't have to sit here and feel my dignity slip away from me. "Hph! I'm leaving." I said finally, straightening my shirt out and trying my very best to stand proudly. It wasn't working. But at least I finally got their attention.

I turned and left, leaving them to wallow about in the rest of my dignity points in laughter. Alli looked up as I was leaving and tried to call me back, but was hindered by her own laughter. "H-he-hey! Jik! Pwh-Wh-Wait upwh-!" She said, trying not to laugh. She failed, though, and as I walked on I could hear her calls of "Hey! Come on!" in-between fits of laughter. Mik, I really hated them right then.

After Jik had gone, Dib turned to Alli as their laughter had begun to die down. "Pwh-Hey, Alli, d'ya' think he'll ever -eh!-heh, ever even figure out what we were laughing about?" He giggled some more.

"I-hah, hah! I- don't know, but-pwhou! Hah hah hah hah! He-he's gonna' think it's REALLY HILARIOUS once he finds out!" Alli replied. They both rolled around in laughter once again.

* * *

IN ANOTHER PART OF THE CITY, DOWN BY THE WHARF...

The scientists were running around, enjoying the horrible and somewhat intriguing, if not disturbing, native life. They played at the all-too-expensive and rigged games, rode some of the rides, and even tried some of the native foods -with rather undesirable results- all while trying to avoid the filth and disturbing characters who were strangely drawn to this side of the city... Although, they seemed to notice them in every part of the city, and at least they were in few numbers in the early morning. Not like that one "Wallk*Mart" place... Still just the thought of that place sent shivers down everyone's spines.

They had a fun time running around the wharf, but soon they found themselves bored with the whole thing. By about noon-time, they were busily interrogating the natives on where the next best place to spend a "day off" was. The next big hit was the Catalystic Theater, where some band was playing. But they didn't have any tickets. However, their own technology soon took care of that -some random people would be wondering why their tickets were already registered as used- and they walked right in. Not finding it to their liking, they began a large tirade of booing, culminating with a couple of them stripping off their shirts and running across the stage. This resulted in the guards running after them, and they quickly vamoosed. Running to the nearby mini-mall, they stopped for a minute to catch their breath.

"Whoo...*Gasp* Whoo! Mik, that was CRAZY!" Gasped one, standing doubled over with his hand on a metal box next to a telephone pole. (If anyone knows the name of those things, please tell me!) "What in the heck were we thinkin'?!" His name shall henceforth be "Minky". Just for the record, they had put their shirts back on.

Another one next to him laughed, also trying to catch his breath. "Ah, well, you know what they say: Anything worth doing is worth doing on another planet, where no one knows you!" His name is now "Interchwoo".

"But what are we gonna' do when the Fez finds us?" Asked another, who'd already caught his breath. His name is now "Annoi-quong". (Pronounced Annoy-quong)

"Ah-HAH!" Said another, pointing to the mini-mall. "I know! We should hide out THERE!" His name shall now be called "Arrapoi". (Pronounced Air-AH-poy)

"I -oh. And where are we going to hide?" Asked another, remarkably calmer than the rest, although he had been running. His name is now "Andron".

"Where else would we hide? In plain sight!" Exclaimed another one. The others looked at him. "You see, we go into one of those stores, we act as if we're normal customers, and they won't find us!" This particularly intelligent one is named "Quoi". (Pronounced KWY)

"That's a great idea!"

"Yeah! An' the Fez won't even suspect a thing!"

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get going!" Exclaimed Minky, slightly nervous about being caught now.

Everyone then ran towards the mini-mall, and hid in an interior design shop.

After about an hour and a half of hanging out there, they figured the coast was clear and left the interior design shop -after purchasing a few over-priced unnecessary items, of course. Then, with still no idea what to waste their time on next, they headed over to a Music Fair they'd heard the shop-keeper going on and on about while they wished she would just shut up. There was apparently fun things, like performers and karaoke, which promised to be an interesting diversion.

They were fully intent on crashing it.

Ten minutes and three pranks later, the scientists again stood outside somewhere, this time on what looked like the edges of a park. The Music Fair behind them erupted in pandemonium, and they had a hard time cleaning all the paint, confetti, and streamers off themselves afterwards. "So...where do you guys wanna' go, now?" Asked Interchwoo, breathing hard.

"HEEEYYY! IT'S THOSE GUYS OVER THERE!" Came the shout of a policeman. The alien scientists with too much time on their hands exchanged quick glances, then shot off like rockets, splitting up and re-convening at the wharf to get jet-skis. With force-fields, they didn't have to worry about the water, but they DID want to out-run the police in the most enjoyable ways possible~

The police hopped into speed-boats and jet-skis, and the chase was on!

* * *

AND NOW, WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO MAKE BOTH DIB AND ALLI BREAK OUT INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER WHEN THEY SAW JIK SPYING ON ZIM'S EVIL PLAN RANTINGS... A.K.A., "THE JOKE BEHIND THE BUTT"!:

"!#$#% -IT, DIB! I'M GOING TO CUUURSE YOOUUU!" Alli screamed as Dib dragged her away from the two "aliens" she had been interrogating. (Not like they were physically aliens at that moment, but that's besides the point.) As Dib dragged her, her curses and screaming got more and more violent, until he finally had to shout to get her attention.

"#%#*&%-IT, ALLI, WILL YOU JUST STOP AND LISTEN TO ME!?" This made Alli shut up for a split-second, long enough for Dib to release his grip on her and say much more quietly, "I think we're being watched."

Alli's eyebrows raised, and her face showed she was unimpressed, but at least she wasn't screaming anymore. "Oh, and like that's any different from NORMAL?" She replied angrily, casually pointing to the skool's cameras.

Dib gave a glance in their direction, but replied, "That's besides the point! Th-that's not what I mean! I meant, that-" He suddenly looked around, trying to see if there were any more of Jik's security guards around. Not seeing any, he said finally, "A-anyways, let's go somewhere else...right...now..." grabbing her wrist, he pulled her in the direction of the skool.

Sighing with an exaggerated moan, Alli gave way and followed him, although she yanked her wrist away from his grasp on the way. Finally settling on the Janitor's closet, Dib motioned for her to follow him in. Mumbling something about teenage boys and "This had better not be a bad joke!", Alli followed. Shutting the door and turning on the light, Dib checked for bugs -both literally and figuratively- before finally explaining. Alli was losing her patience at this point, so it was all for the best.

"Look, I know how weird this is, but please, just bear with me for a moment," he began, hoping to ease her aggravation. It wasn't working. Sighing, he began explaining, "When you were trying to interrogate Jik's 'Aunt Tatty'," he used quotation fingers for this, "I noticed some people standing around. They didn't look odd, but they didn't leave. They just...stood around and acted like they were waiting for somebody. It wasn't until I noticed they seemed to be glancing over at us that I got it: they were Jik's security team! They were just standing right there, and YOU were interrogating Jik's Aunt! I had to get you away from there before they became suspicious!"

Rolling her eyes, but not exactly denying it, Alli asked, "What makes you so SURE they were Jik's security guards?"

"Well, you know how I've been observing Jik ever since he came here, right?"

Alli rolled her eyes and nodded. His observing people was more like a creepy habit, so she didn't have to doubt he would be doing it.

"Yeah, well, these were the same people I've noticed around the skool at different times -at first I thought they were just Health Inspectors, but then, last night..." Dib gave a glance around and leaned in closer, "I saw one of them step out of the bushes to walk Jik home! It's no mistake! These guys are HERE, and we've GOT to be a LOT more careful!"

Rolling her eyes (yet again) and nodding, Alli sighed, "All right, all right! So, what's the Plan, Dib-the-man?"

Happy that he'd finally gotten through to her, Dib grinned a little and nodded, paying no attention to her joke, "Well! Last night, I did some research on Irkens with the data I stole from Zim's computer with Tak's ship -you know the one- an' anyways, I found out all KINDS of stuff about them! Wanna' hear?" He grinned so brightly that Alli was almost blinded in the dim Janitor's Closet light. She nodded slightly and he continued on, like a giddy little school-child. "Okay! Listen to this: Irkens are actually raised underground until they're old enough to graduate! And they're all raised by computers! Isn't that wild?!"

Alli rolled her eyes and mumbled something about Dib and his dad, but mainly stayed quiet. Dib continued, "Then, when they've graduated, they all have to pick something from one of their strongest fields. Whatever the computer says they're best at! If they don't do well, then the computers reassign them to something else! That's pretty neat, huh?" Something told Alli that Dib was getting faaarrr too into this Irken stuff. But at least it was helping them. "But there's something even MORE interesting: You see, each Irken child has to have a little hovering bot called a "Tatronian" to keep track of them. This makes sure they don't get off-track, and answers any questions they have. But they have to have this little baby-sitter until they're teenagers!" He started to laugh.

"And...SO?" Asked Alli, still not getting the point.

"*SNRK*! W-well, you know how Jik's always so SCARED all the time, right? An' he's a big cry-baby? That's 'cause he's been so sheltered all his life! He's never even seen the SKY before, much less an alien world! And now he has to go outside on his own! *Laugh* He's a complete WUSS!" Dib began laughing again, but he tried to stay quiet.

"Dib."

"Y-yeah, what?"

"You know what?"

"Huh?"

"That is absolutely...HILARIOUS!" Alli started laughing, too. "That's-that's why he's such a weak cry-baby!"

"I-Iknow! Isn't-Isn't-! *Laughing* And-and they even do MILITARY EXERCISES in their training!" Dib continued laughing until he was crumpled down on the ground.

"An-An 'AUNT TATTY'!" Alli laughed, grabbing her sides with laughter.

"W-Why were they RUNNING?!" Dib squealed, now on the floor.

"H-hoooiy! H-Hey, we gotta' find Jik so we can SCARE HIM again! I just wanna' see the look on his face when he's gonna' wet himself!" Alli laughed, doubling over.

"Do-Do ya' think they have Special Classes for the kids-pwh! For the slow kids?" Laughed Dib.

"I-Ibet that's the one ZIM graduated from!" Alli squealed.

"W-wonder if he had to take a MAKE-UP TEST!?" Dib squeaked.

They continued laughing for a few minutes, until the Janitor opened the door and stared at them. Then they both ran out, laughing and trying to find Jik.

* * *

(Me: So, what's the Clue, Party-Stu?)

(Author's Notes: Heyas! Just for the ease of reference, since there's so many!, I've included aaalll the scientists' names, and the guards' names as well. Whoos! I'm almost getting around to naming absolutely everyone on this whole team sent to take care of Jik! Funny, huh? *Laughs* Anyways, here ya's are!:

The Scientists:

Interchon-_(Interjection guy sitting in the chair #1)_  
Interchwoo-_(Interjection guy sitting in another chair #2)_  
Epy-_(Epiphany guy sitting on the pillows)_  
Pillows-_(Guy sitting next to the Epiphany guy on the pillows)_  
Dreenk-_(Guy sitting in the chair, leaning his head back over the back of the chair with a drink in his hand)_  
Sackes-_(Guy sitting in the chair, leaning his head back over the back of the chair also, but without a drink) (Pronounced: SACK-esz)_  
Moshon-_(Guy who said, "Who's going to care? They're aaaallllll the waaaaaayyyyyyy over there!" and motioned with his hand from his lazily state on the floor)_  
Minky-_(Guy with his hand on the metal box next to the telephone pole)_  
Annoi-quong-_(Guy who asked "But what are we gonna' do when the Fez finds us?")_  
Arapoi-_(Guy who says "Ah-HAH! I know! We should hide out THERE!") (Pronounced: Air-AH-poy)_  
Andron-_(Remarkably calm guy who says "I -oh. And where are we going to hide?")_  
Quoi-_(Guy who exclaims, "Where else? In plain sight!") (Pronounced: KWY)_

The Security Guards (As seen so far. There's more, of course):

Goofs-_(Guard who talks first. Not in charge.)_  
Goober-_(Guard who talks second. In charge of the security team.)_

(Notes continued: Anyways, I'm sorrys this chappy is so late~! Pretty-please forgive mes, and please read and review!)


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